LostI have this “friend“ who happens to be a freak about a “certain show“ that he enjoys watching. Whenever it is on, the universe pauses around him. He goes to internet sites to research the history of individual words that are mentioned in the dialogue. He’s listened to portions of a soundtrack backwards to see if there are hidden meanings. He’s even looked at individual frames of episodes to see if there are hidden clues. It’s crazy, I tell you….crazy. But, alas, my dear wife has been sucked into the mystery, too. So on Thursday night, they will both be seated in front of the TV, along with millions across America, to see what random twist the writers of the crazy show have developed. And at the end of each episode, they will try to figure out what it all means…what is really going on. I have my theories but I’ll not divulge them here (the writers are drunk and make episodes that are as random as my posts).

Frankly, the show does nothing for me. Sure, I like the premise and the suspense, but there are so many little details to remember and then they go on hiatus for 6 years, return for 4 episodes, and then they disappear until the next el niño appears. For me, that’s too much waiting to have to remember too many details.

GladiatorsI need something that indulges my need for instant action and requires me to remember nothing between episodes. Thankfully, the writer’s strike has come to my rescue. And along with the writer’s strike, NBC has filled the void with the return of the greatest…show…ever…AMERICAN GLADIATORS!!

I remember watching the original American Gladiators with my brother on Saturday mornings. We’d sit on the couch with a bowl of sugar-laced cereal and watch normal Joes go into battle against the steroid-puffed (allegedly) brick walls that wished only to crush their foes. The new show brings back more of the same with a couple of small differences.

  1. Hulk Hogan has been added for humor. His “interviews” of the contestants are so sad that they’re hilarious. It’s like watching Lance play football. It’s not pretty, but for some reason, you can’t turn away.
  2. A few of the events have been changed-up. The newest event is “The Pyramid” where contestants try to climb up a big padded thing while the gladiators try to throw them down. Let me pause for a second to ask: HOW IS THIS AN EVENT? My cousins and I used to play this all the time at my grandparents. Except instead of calling it “pyramid” we called it “king of the hill” and the person on top had to take on multiple challengers simultaneously. And pads? If it was summer, we were lucky to have grass on the hill. This event does not look like a contest of strength to me. It looks like a game we’d invent if we were bored one afternoon….and had lots of padding that we could stack up.
  3. But not all the changes are bad. There is one change that I think is definitely positive. That’s the introduction of Crush. After hours of internet searching I just happened to find out that in real life “Crush” competes in mixed martial arts (MMA)…wow. So see, she’s a multi-dimensioned person. If we were to be hangin’ out, and I’m sure we would, she could double as security detail. That’s much better than some other celebrities that other people fawn over incessantly.

So there you have it. You watch your silly shows about people who are trapped in a bad dream and I’ll watch Crush pummel competitors in the joust. It’s a win-win situation.