Shallow Thinker

In our lives, we often become attached to inanimate objects. Such is true when it comes to my obsession with power tools. And I’m non-discriminatory when it comes to tools. They can be powered by plug, battery, gas, pedals, windmill, happy thoughts….it doesn’t bother me. I just want to know that if it isn’t used properly, I could severely injure myself.

This weekend I finally got a few minutes to work in our back yard. There are some trees that are dead/dying that need to be cut down and have been needing if for a long time. (I was hoping that if I left them long enough nature would do it for me. Nature is much better at this waiting game than I am.) It is important to stop here and note that “this weekend” is past tense and “need to be cut down” is present tense. The weekend has passed and the trees still need to be cut down.

My Christmas gift from the in-laws was a gift card that was wasted utilized on a chainsaw. Take a look at this thing…it’s got to be the perfect chainsaw. It’s got crazy colors like purple and green…and….um….metal. And it’s called “wild thing”. Isn’t that crazy?

Well, my crazy chainsaw went and did something really insane….it broke. Surely I must have been cutting down a large sequoia and I just got the thing overheated, right? Well, almost. I was cutting a limb off of a tree. Was it a big limb? Well, if by “big” you mean thicker than my arm then….well, no. Bigger than my thumb? Well, that’s probably pretty close. I was just cutting this little limb and the next thing I know the chain is laying at my feet. That’s odd. I thought The chain really should be attached to the saw and not at my feet. But what do I know, I’m just an engineer.

So, I took the thing apart, fixed it, put it back together, cranked it and……..nothing. It sounded like the wild thing of old, but the chain did not move like I had hoped it would….which would mean that it didn’t move at all. (For those of you unfamiliar with tools like this, chain movement is a highly desirable feature in chainsaws.) So I took it back to the store and after evaluating it for about 30 minutes, the guy finally concluded that the chainsaw was indeed not functioning as it should. (I had offered to crank it up and show him, but he didn’t trust me….I dunno why. The skull-and-bones shirt might have had something to do with it. I doubt he could tell that the stains on my shirt were blood, though) The nice gentleman did take the time to demonstrate that if I moved my hands really fast and made a special noise with my mouth it would almost seem as if the saw was working. Since I couldn’t make that noise, I just got my money back…and I learned a valuable lesson as well. This purchase was clearly a waste of money and I won’t ever spend my money on something as frivolous as that again.

This next purchase, though, was much more thought out and rational:

My next post includes a funny anecdote about a trip to the doctor because of a deep gash on my leg.