Here are the results from the health fair. I will try to do better next year:

Total Cholesterol - 145
“Less than 200 is ‘Desirable’ and puts you at a lower risk for heart disease.” I probably still need to go to a doctor and get the different levels checked (such as LDL, HDL and CDL, which are on the DL), but either way, these results will probably make my wife mad because it’s not bad at all considering all the crap I eat. Now there’s not basis for her to fuss at me for it.

Blood Pressure - 122/68
The sheet says that the top number should be below 120 and the bottom number below 80. Since I was only 2 over on the top and I was 12 under on that bottom, it averages out to 7 under. That’s how cholesterol works….right?

Glucose - 80
Before meals, the value should be between 80-120. I was hoping that my Mountain Dew for breakfast would boost me on up there in the ratings, but sorry, 80 is as good as I could do.

BMI (Body Mass Index) - 26 (5′11″ and 185 lb)
Values between 25.0-29.9 are classified as “overweight”. That’s good because all my life I have fought to be above average and now, I can finally say that I’ve achieved my goal. Realistically, though, this calculation does not account for muscle mass. So, like my friend Lones said, I’m putting on a lot of muscle. I should stop working on the biceps because these things are getting massive.

Body Fat Percentage - 18.9%
There was no information provided on the sheet about this, so I’m left to assume that any number here is acceptable. Then I thought better of it and found a little more information. The chart below says that I’m “acceptable”. Odd, that is the opposite of what my wife says about some of the things that I do in public. The chart does, however, crush my hopes of being an athlete.

So here’s the really important question: What if I reduce my body fat down to 17.5%. It’s above the range for “fitness” but below the range for “acceptable.” It looks like I have found the twilight zone of health and conditioning. Maybe within this realm, I’m always the 17th caller and win the tickets to crappy concerts…or maybe the traffic lights all turn green…perhaps they don’t charge me for extra sour cream at Moe’s. I need to start working out more…these are things that I need in my life.