Shallow Thinker

Ever done something really stupid and been embarrassed by it? Have you ever done that stupid thing again? What about a third time because you just don’t learn?

That’s me…I’m sitting on the third time for this kind of thing. But this time, I think I struck gold. I purchased another Mystery Box from yugster.com and I think that I actually got a couple of useful things. The box for one of these, though, is by far the most awesome things ever. Check out the images and descriptions below. But most of all, you must read the description for the flashlight. “Engrish” never sounded so good.

Item #1 – A CD/DVD repair kit. Not a great deal, but hey, I can actually use this on the CD’s that I’ve thrown around in the car. I’m not saying that I will actually use it, but I could. I wonder if I could take this to Wal-Mart for store credit…

Item #2 – A car plug splitter. It’s MP3 compatible!! Instead of having one conveniently small plug, now you can have two large, bulky ones. You know you want one. I might be willing to let this go if the price is right. Here’s a closer look.

Item #3 – My very own VIRTUAL AQUARIUM! And, I can purchase some “upgrades” like a shark….SUPER!! Click here to read the back of the box.

Item #4 – “Hand-Pressing Flash Light” This is definitely my favorite item. I think that my girls will probably get some good use from the flashlight…or at least break it trying. I, on the other hand, have thoroughly enjoyed myself by reading the description on the box. I would say “see how many mistakes you can find”, but that would imply that you understand what they’re saying.

Back in October, I enlisted some of the Queen’s friends to help me throw her a pirate bash for her 30th birthday. As with everything I do, I went way overboard. This, of course required me to buy lots of pirate junk from random websites. So, in return, these websites added me to their mailing lists and I now get a bunch of crappy catalogs at work.

Well, the great internet ban of ‘08 has left me lacking for entertainment in the workplace. When I get done working on something, I like to take a quick break. Surf the news, read a blog…but since I can’t do that, now I check out a magazine. Today’s magazine had a few gems in it that I’d like to share with you.

“Encourage budding engineers” - Shouldn’t  we give them a calculator and a slide rule? Is train driving really a field of work that demands that we prod our children into its path? Should kids really be “budding” into a nyprofession at 8 or 9? And even if we should convince our children that this is the line of work for them, is the $2 hat really going to encourage them to do anything other than not buy cheap hats?

Transparent Visors….are you sure about this? From my understanding of headwear, a visor is designed to keep the sun out of your eyes. But, if the visor is transparent…

I remember when CSI (the original one) first came on TV. I was enthralled. Science, mystery, graphic autopsies…what’s not to love? I remember thinking to myself that since the show was so good and had such amazing attention to the scientific details, there’s no way it would survive the ineptitude of the American public. But America proved me wrong and eventually it was I who parted ways with the show. It was still enjoyable, but my priorities waxed and waned and we had to say our goodbyes.

This past Thursday night, I was sitting down for a couple of minutes and decided to flip channels. There was CSI. Some cast member had changed, but several were the same. And then I noticed something odd…

Here these guys are processing a crime scene. It’s important to collect as much evidence as possible and to maintain its integrity. So, they wear latex gloves, have special liquids and glasses and lights and all kinds of other gizmos. Why is it that they do this with their shirts half-unbuttoned and their hair flapping in the wind? You’d think they’d need to at least wear a hair net or something…

The folks over at Google have a great sense of humor.  A portion of this is evident by some of the random things they do.  This year, they had an April Fool’s prank about e-mail.  Last year’s April Fools announcement involved using the sewer systems for internet access.  But I’ve discovered another funny…

Today, I was searching for a ballpark cost for commercial shipping scales.  (As in the big thing that you sit a big pallet on and it tells you how much it weighs.)  Usually, Froogle is a great place to get an idea how much stuff costs.  So, I did a search for “shipping scales” and I noticed a bit of humor on advertisement portion of the results:

I have a 27 mile ride from my house to work. About 23 of those are on the highway, so I have some time to listen to the radio, zone out, get dressed, make a waffle…you know, the normal driving stuff. This morning I stopped and got a sugar-laden, ultra-sweetened, caffeine boost before I got onto the highway. I shouldn’t have wasted my money because as I was getting onto the highway, I was awakened when I hit a fresh patch of pretentiousness.  (There’s a $10 word for you.  It means “by using this word, I’m being this way, too.”)

Sure, I’ve heard specialized license plates describes as “vanity” plates, but this one fit the bill. (Sorry for the poor quality of photos, but I don’t have a nice camera-phone like some people.)

Now, I gotta admit, the car was a fancy car and it might just barely edge the Green Goblin if our titles were on the line, but what is the purpose of the tag? Is it supposed to make me jealous or envious? Make me sad that I don’t have that much invested in my car? In reality, I felt sorry for the guy. If his vehicle means so much to him that he has to boast about it through his license plate…then he must not have much to do in his spare time.

Sure, I care about what my car looks like and the impression that it makes, but when I get to work, the thing just sits there…baking in the sun. The dad-blamed thing didn’t help me a lick when I was working on my budget last week.  When I get home, it doesn’t help me play with my daughters any better, nor does it help me to be a better husband. It’s just something that sends me 27 miles to the office and brings me 27 miles back. To me, it’s just a tin box with warm seats and not a statement about who I am. I prefer to define who I am by what I do beyond those 27 miles.

Did you know that today is usually the 100th day of the year? The exception is during leap year, when it is the 101st day. I have two friends who happen to have their birthday today. One of them is turning 28 and the other is turning 38.

I’m not sure what to get them for a present, though. I mean, they already have me as a friend, so do they really need anything else? Yeah, I agree…I think my friendship is a very good gift. I just hope they don’t spend it all in one place.

Happy Birthday, friends!

For those of you who haven’t followed my every move on the internet, I have an alter-ego. By day, I’m a nerdy engineer solving the world’s problems. By night….I’m….well, I’m still a nerdy engineer. But on occasion, I become ZUPER JOHN!

If you’ve watched the videos that became an instant internet sensation*, then you’ll know that there’s not much that can stop Zuper John. Moving cars and roaring lions could not slow or scare this model of human endurance. With such power and strength, surely there is no match for Zuper John’s amazing internet and blogging skills. At least that’s what we thought…

This week I received an e-mail at work from the director of our business. It appears that during business hours, all personal internet use is to cease immediately. Those of you who know me know how valuable the internet is to me…especially during work hours. I do not know if I will be able to recover from this. I will try to be strong…I will try to keep the faith. I may have to call my friend who works in the sales office of Verizon and see if he can hook me up with some bandwidth to help me make it through the day.

Please, if you’re out there and reading this, please Help Zuper John survive. You can print webpages and mail them to me. Or maybe you can e-mail me a description of what you’ve just read on the internet. Please….anything….just don’t send me any hyperlinks….it’s too tempting to click them.

It’s getting dark in here….why am I so cold….oh, dear internet, how I miss you so…

* - “sensation” was identified by taking a census of those who indicated that they had seen the above mentioned videos. This census was taken among youth in the age range of 14-14.25 occupying a three square foot patch of carpet at Mt. Zion Baptist Church in Bolingbroke, GA on the third Sunday of April in 2007. He may have been lying to spare my feelings, but he said that he saw it.

Sometimes my projects don’t go as well as I’d like them to. Sometimes it’s because of bad tools, other times it’s because the right parts aren’t in stock at the home improvement store. Mostly, though, it’s because of me. The really unfortunate downside is that most of my projects involve our house. So every little “oops” I utter makes my wife shake with fear.

My house needs a break. Well, I take that back, I’ve given it more than its fair share of breaks over the past few years. I think that my house would appreciate it much more if I stop “improving” it.

This time, I’ve decided to focus my inability on the yard. The grass has been growing wonderful since we’ve moved in, so I’m going to do my best to mess that up.

Our back yard has plenty of shade, leaves, and mosquitoes. Unfortunately, only one of these makes for a good play area. I’ve decided that I’d like to focus a bit this summer on cleaning out the leaves and brush. The easiest part was raking the leaves…getting rid of them hasn’t gone as well as planned. Apparently the neighbors aren’t buying the idea that I’m giving them free compost piles. Also, instead of growing grass, I’ve cultivated a nice crop of generic weeds. At least they’re green.

So here’s the plan. Butterfly and I went to Lowe’s this evening to get some supplies. First was grass seed. I got a small bag because it’s much easier on the wallet to waste a small bag than a big bag. Next, I got a bag of wildflower seeds. I’m hoping that I can scatter these about along the edges of the fence line and make my fence look wild. The last bag was full of birdseed. I figure I should at least have something alive in the backyard when I’m done.

The only problem left unsolved is the mosquitoes. My current approach of attracting them with my pasty-white skin and then smacking them into oblivion doesn’t seem to be making an impact. Got any other ideas?

Today’s post is just to let you know that I’ve finally started the page about things that I’ve read.  Head on over and give it a look…

Butterfly (now three and a half) has an affinity for the tiny seashells that my wife keeps in our guest room. These shells were once an orderly decoration stored in a pretty crystal dish but have since become a scattered set of play things that occupy her while we busily cook supper or tend to Ladybug. I’m constantly finding these tiny things in random places across the house…and sometimes in my shoes.

While we were at the beach, I thought that Butterfly and I could spend a little time devoted to replenishing our supply. The first two days we were there, it was too cold to spend time in the water so I took Butterfly for an evening stroll along the sand after supper. As we walked (ran, jogged, skipped, and galloped) along the shore, I picked up those shells that looked just perfect…Butterfly picked up anything that caught her eye. My pockets were soon full of shells, driftwood, seaweed, and a few other unknown sea objects.

Our last day at the beach, the weather was beautiful, and we were able to take both girls down for some time in the sand. After Ladybug had eaten her share, Kelley and her parents took her back to the house for the task of removing sand from places where it should not be. Butterfly and I lingered behind for a few extra minutes to ensure that she was fully appeased and that my sunburn was evenly distributed across my back.

As the time drew near, Butterfly and I slowly began making our way back towards the boardwalk. She stopped to fill the holes that the crabs had made (”Daddy, they need the sand in their holes to help them sleep”) and in response to her slowness, I glanced around and picked up a few more of those perfect shells that would later adorn the interior of my running shoes. After a few minutes, I finally grew tired of wasting time and I looked back at my daughter who was zig-zagging across the sand.

“Come on, Butterfly. Why are you taking so long?”

Butterfly responded to me with her reasoning and it made perfect sense to her. At first, I smiled because it’s just one of those “logical” things that she understands and that I fail to grasp. But since she spoke these words, I have felt the weight of fatherhood a little heavier than before:

“Daddy, I’m just following your footprints.”

I knew this a little going into our vacation, but our stay this week reaffirmed it….there are some RICH people living in this world. When I say “rich”, I mean “wow, we have so much money, I really have nothing better to do but spend a few million dollars on a house or two.” Some of the houses were insane. I got my hands on a real estate brochure and saw some listed for $2 million…nowhere near the beach. One that was kind of close was over $10 million. (Though they might take $9.5M if you’re a good haggler.) Here are some pictures for you to gawk at (click the image for a bigger, fuzzier picture). The first three pictures are of the same house, which was my favorite. I estimate that it is over 15,000 square feet….that’s more than 5 of my houses.