Shallow Thinker

According to surveys that haven’t come out yet and that I won’t read, a lot of Americans probably tuned-in to see the season finale of Lost which aired last night. It answered some questions and managed to raise even more. I, however, refuse to watch again until they explain a couple of things to me.

1. Why does Kate always turn her back on people she shouldn’t trust. 15 times out of 10 she manages to get herself captured, knocked-out, or have her gun taken away from her. I’m beginning to think that they would have been rescued weeks ago if it weren’t for her.
2. “the others” seemed to be living a relatively normal life….right? So when everyone merged and mingled, why didn’t Jack find someone to wash his shirt for him. You just know he’s got to be stinking by now.
3. Why did Smokey-the-monster all of a sudden become friendly with the Losties? In the first few episodes, he was eating captains and sending people running all through the jungle. Now these people traipse around the island like they own the place. I think when the show comes to a close, we’ll realize that smokey just needed a good belly rub…and I’ll bet that Locke was the man who did it.

At any rate, there was the season finale in all it’s glory. I, however, am a firm believer that this type of entertainment is cheap and ridiculous. I will not have my emotions drawn out from week-to-week as these writers toy with my mind. No sir! I demand instant gratification. None of this “plot line development” or “character depth.”

I found the perfect show. It’s basically a bunch of stand-up comics, which is good because these guys are trying to keep you laughing constantly. But they’ve gotten a way to streamline it even more…

Usually a comic has to keep you laughing, so he/she caters to the ADD within the crowd. But on this show, they only have about 7 or 8 seconds to impress the judges, so now they have to go into ULTRA-ADD mode and throw out a lot of stupid jokes in a very small amount of time. Even when they go into their “long” segments, the producers only show about 30 seconds of it. That’s the way I like it.

So, while my wife was stretching her brain and trying to figure out this incredibly tough puzzle, I was sitting in an adjoining room enjoying a bunch of cheap laughs. Does marriage get any better than this? I submit that it’s nearly impossible to top this relationship.

Sometimes things just get old. For instance, in college I ate so much cheap pizza that I rarely touch anything from Papa John’s. Nothing against the place, I just burned-out on it. As a money saver and to cater to our individual tastes, we now make our own pizza at home. It’s not the best in the world, but I pile it high with meats on my side and olives on Butterfly’s. As much as Ladybug and Butterfly enjoy the stuff…it’s getting old, too.

Last night we got a refresher course in how pizza is supposed to be done. When I got home we headed off to Ingleside Village Pizza. We ordered a slice of olive pizza for Butterfly, a slice of “Veggie” for Kelley, and two slices of “Meat” for Ladybug and I to share.

We took our seats to wait for the pizza to be freshly made per our request. Butterfly occupied herself the entire time (probably about 15 minutes) with the ball-o-dough that is supplied for children to play with. Ladybug preferred to dance to the tunes spilling from the jukebox, then walk around on the checkered floor, and finally settle down to play with a straw and a cup top.

The pizza arrived at the table fresh from the oven, heaping with cheese and toppings. The quality was apparent even in the pizza’s appearance. I gotta be honest, I didn’t try Butterfly’s olive pizza and I didn’t even look at the “Veggie” junk that my wife was consuming. Ladybug and I devoured our two slices with the Ladybug giving the occasional nod-of-approval or a request for more “peee-tah”. $13 for a complete meal that left us all stuffed wasn’t bad at all.

It’s amazing how we can become so saturated on our home-brewed things that we simply lose our taste for those items all together. Then, we get a taste of the real thing and instantly, we remember what makes it so good. There’s a very valuable lesson in there, but I’ll let you figure it out for yourself. After all, I’m the shallow one here.

Yesterday we decided that we needed to do something a little different. After supper I went outside and lined our vehicles up in the driveway, inflated a small wading pool, and prepared the supplies for washing vehicles and playing in the pool. The plan was that Butterfly and I would wash the vehicles while Ladybug and Kelley splashed about.

I went back inside to gather my girls and was greeted by two little naked booties running around the den. Kelley’s attempt to change the girls into their bathing suits was apparently overcome by their excitement. We eventually corralled them and got them outside. Both girls decided immediately that splashing around was the best course of action. This left me to wash the van by myself.

I was down scrubbing the wheels of the van and heard this deep, belly laughter coming from the wading pool. Butterfly informed me that she had a new game to play with her mother. I didn’t gather all of the information, but it involved her mother pouring water a cup of water onto Butterfly and then Butterfly laughing maniacally. (I’ll try to get more details so that we can try it out at the next pool party.)

Kelley decided that the exercise from washing a car could be beneficial and volunteered to wash the Green Goblin while I started bath time. At this point, Butterfly was employed to help while I bathed Ladybug.

Apparently, car washing isn’t too much fun because Butterfly came fluttering into the house not too long into my adventures with Ladybug began. Usually, Kelley and I tag-team bathtime, but here were both girls in need of scrubbing and the wife was outside washing my car…so I did what any father in this situation would do.  I called my mother.  No, wait, that’s a different story.  This is the one where I became Super Dad and juggled them as best I could (not literally).

Ladybug protested adamantly when I took her out of the tub. I started Butterfly’s bath and I’ll be doggoned if little Ladybug didn’t keep trying to climb back in. I was eventually able to distract her with books while soaping-up her sister. I’m still amazed that this 14-month old can fully comprehend certain things. When we’d finish a book, I’d tell her “Go get us another book” and she’d toddle off around the corner. I’d quickly apply soap or shampoo to Butterfly and a few seconds later Ladybug would toddle back in with a different book…which she would throw at me, spin around, and then plop down into my lap. This cycle continued until Kelley was able to come up and entertain the youngest while I finished with the oldest.  Later that evening, Kelley revealed to me that she straps Ladybug into a little chair when she has to handle bathtime on her own - information that would have been good beforehand.

At the end of the night, not only did I have quality time with my squeaky-clean girls, when I got done, I had a nice clean car to boot. Now that’s a good evening.

Like most other 3-day weekends, this one was relaxing and exhausting. I had a blast with my 3 girls and hopefully they managed to have a little fun with me, too.

Saturday morning we ventured outside to play before the sun started beating down. Ladybug and I played in the sandbox while Kelley pushed Butterfly on the swing and spun tales involving care bears, the Disney friends, and dragons made of candy. Right before lunch, Kelley pulled dug out a bubble machine from it’s package. While it was a great idea, the machine provided as many frustrations as it did bubbles. (Approximately one gazillion, according to the package.) It required C batteries, AA batteries, then the bubble solution started leaking out of the base, then the fan didn’t work, more fluid leaking…. Finally, we had bubbles as long as I stood there turning the little dial and allowed bubble juice to drip on my shoes.

That evening we topped off a fun day by cooking breakfast. (Pancakes, hashbrowns, and daddy’s top-secret, super-cheesy, scrambled eggs.) I made some mini-pancakes for butterfly, which she marveled over for about 15 seconds before she devoured them. Ladybug didn’t care what shape hers came in as long as there was some in front of her.

Sunday morning we ventured off to church. For about an hour, I was required to practice playing guitar for an upcoming performance. It’s always fun to play with other people, but it’s really cool when Kelley and her friend sing along. Mark your calendars for June 8^th at the Z. We’ll be doing an acoustic set (one song) and it’s going to rock (in a reverent kind of way.) During nap/rest time, Kelley let me sneak out and cut the grass. You’d be surprising how relaxing that is for me.

Sunday afternoon and evening we decided that we should go shopping. Actually, we didn’t go shopping. We went to stores to walk around and waste time but not buy anything. It’s a really good hobby. While Butterfly and Kelley battled with fun noodles, Ladybug and I toddled around the rest of an expansive sporting goods store. Ladybug picked up every ball she saw and said “Hey” to every person she met. The night ended with a meal at the Cracker Barrel. It’s an interesting restaurant with tons of history, but Lance wasn’t there to fill us in, so no good stories for you. And while it didn’t help my craving much, a small bowl of baked apples did help hold me over for a while. Doesn’t that picture make them look appealing? (Pun intended)

While the girls played outside again on Monday morning, I managed to do a little more yard work. At least it seemed like “a little” at the time. This morning, my back is screaming at me for doing too much. We ate lunch, had rest time, and then went to a pool party/cook-out. Butterfly ventured into the pool with only her water wings. Ladybug would have ventured into the pool with nothing, but her over-protective father kept holding on to her.

So, all of that to say that it was a wonderful weekend spent with my family. Now I need a week of work to help me recover.

Ever get into a conversation about food and you start talking about some food you like and then you start to crave that food? No? Me either…that’s just weird. Who does that anyway?

Let’s just pretend that you’ve done it before. It will help you relate to this story a little better.

Kelley and I had put the girls to bed last night and I was looking for something to snack on. I moped back into the den empty-handed and commented to Kelley “I would really like some apple pie with vanilla bean ice cream.”

So here I am 24 hours later…guess what I’m craving. What I want is some of my grandmother’s apple pie, fresh out of the oven, topped with some cold ice cream. What I have is chex mix…

Anyone out there got a good recipe? Better yet, let me save you the trouble of writing it out. Just make me the pie. I’ll spring for the ice cream.

*This photo is from flickr.  If I had apple pie to take a picture of, this post wouldn’t be necessary, now would it?  And realistically, the picture would be of an empty plate.

The Googles like to do a lot of things. It started with searches, then they added maps and e-mail. Now they’re branching out into all kinds of things. My personal favorite is the 411 replacement. Just dial 1-800-GOOG411 (1-800-466-4411), tell them the city and state, and they do the google search for you. Not only can they connect you to the number, they can send you a text message with the company name, address, and phone number. That’s pretty cool.

And just when you think they’ve done it all, they roll out the latest service. Google Health. (Find out more about it here.) The concept is a good one. They say “hey, this is your information. You should control it.” And that’s a very good argument. The only problem is with that whole “privacy” thing that so many people are crying about. Apparently, Google has had a few issues with privacy in the past (details). But why harp on the negative that could exist….let’s look at the positives. Maybe they will link health information to the maps so that I can look online each morning to see who in my area is sick and who to avoid.

I’m by no means a conspiracy theorist, but you know some server out there is storing tons of data. If they’re storing information on my we searches, the news articles I read, the 411 queries I do, and now my health information, there’s only one conclusion. They’re going to clone me. This can only benefit the world.

I took lance’s advice on solving my AC problems and upgraded my equipment.

• Those of you who are observant will note that the refrigerator door is open on the side.
• Those of you who like to use your brain a little bit will think that this is a good idea to help cool the office.
• Those of you who like to use your brain a little more will realize that this is not a good idea to cool my office.
• Those of you who like to use your brain a lot will figure that this is a great idea to cool my office if I just put the back end of the AC out into the hall.

Tragedy has hit Steven Curtis Chapman and his family.  One of his sons was driving the family vehicle and didn’t see his 5 year old sister.  (full article here)

My heart simply falls every time I hear of an incident like this.  Lives and relationships are changed in an instant.  One life is tragically cut short while several others will carry guilt and replay the event over and over trying to identify what could have been done different.  It seems that no matter where the fault lies, and even if there is none, the entire family will probably carry this burden for a long time.

Every time I pull into my driveway, I have a shadow of fear that creeps over me.  One of the places that scares me the most is church parking lots.  Parents are in conversations, children are darting in-and-out, teens are talking, people are in a hurry to go eat…it seems like utter chaos and it scares me completely.

So as our hearts and our prayers go out to the Chapman family, please be vigilant and always alert when you drive.  Those interested in learning more about statistics and prevention of these type of accidents can click here - http://kidsandcars.org/

The air-conditioning system on my hall has been nonfunctional for over a month.  It’s not unbearable because there are other, cooler halls around that help me out a bit, but my office is starting to get warm.  I can only imagine what it will be like in June and July.  And, I’ve tried to complain verbally and non-verbally.  You’d think that my boss would get the message when I’m sitting around in my underwear.  Then again, the message would be much more effective if I didn’t do that when the AC was working.

In the meantime, I’ve used my keen engineering insight and knowledge to set-up my own little cooling device.  This device forces air across frozen water, thus creating cooler air.  Here’s how I set-up this ingenious contraption.

As you can see in the picture, my biggest problem is that the ice keeps melting.  So, I have to walk across the building to the freezer to get more ice.  When I get back to my office, all of the exercise has made me hot.  Which means that I need more ice.  So, I have to walk across the building…

Right as I was sitting down for lunch, I got a call.  Apparently my brother was in the area and wanted to know if I was interested in grabbing some lunch.  Normally, I’d jump at the opportunity to eat left-over green beans, but I figured that I’d throw caution to the wind and give Cheddar’s a try.

We started off with some potato skins, which were pretty good.  For the main course, Ben made a healthy choice in ordering a salad.  I was impressed at his decision and I decided to do the responsible thing and follow his lead.  I ordered some pasta….baked with cheesy-cheese sauce all inside….and then smothered with more cheesy-cheese sauce.  Unfortunately, all of my recent food choices that were actually healthy caught up with me and I couldn’t finish the plate.  I did give it a valiant effort, though.

Ben and I were able to talk and catch-up with where life had brought us.  (Coincidentally, it had brought is both to Cheddars!)  The subject varied from family to church to sports to work.  It’s very odd for me to look across the table and see a guy who 10 years ago was in a completely different place with a completely different outlook on life.  All of his experiences and relationships have shaped him into who he is today.  A husband.  A father.  A salesman.  A golfer (well, that one can be debated).  And then I look at myself.  I’ve been through a lot in the last 10 years, as well.  But, I don’t feel like a different person.  I still feel like the same guy who just finished my freshman year of college. Though, I readily admit that I know and have experienced a few things since that time.  And, it makes me wonder what Ben notices has changed the most about me when he looks across the table.  More muscle? More Facial hair?  Less other hair?  Less intellect?  I wonder what things have shaped my life and had the most influence on my outlook.

Boy, that sure is a lot to stomach.  Then again, so was the Spasagna Alfredo.  So, just like I did at lunch, I’ll eat my fill on these thoughts, and then push away from the table.  Thanks, Ben, for the meal and for the thought-provoking conversation.  The only downside is that both leave me with the desire to take a nap.

Ever sit back and think to yourself “Man, that John sure does know how to play the guitar“?  If so, then I suggest that you reduce the amount of pain medication that you take during the day.

On the other hand, if you’ve ever thought “John sure does stink, but I can’t play at all, so who am I to judge? ” then fear not…you’re on the fast track to learn to play as crappy as I do.

I first “learned” to “play” guitar when I was in college.  My roommate, Lones, had a guitar that he left laying around the apartment while he was off wooing his girlfriend (now his wife).  Since my girlfriend (now my wife) was completely aware that I had no personality, I had no need in wooing her.  Thus, I picked up the guitar and started fiddling around with it.  The best source of free instruction that I could find was the magical internet and the googles.  And, since you can believe anything you read on the internet, my career as a musician took flight.

So, with no formal training, I slowly began to figure out how to play the acoustic guitar.  I couldn’t read notes or tabs, but I did have access to tons of chords for songs, tons of chord charts, and a lot of time.  Eventually, I was strumming and singing out of tune to melodies that my wife could not decipher.

When the youth minister of our church departed in 2002, there was a need for someone who could play the guitar.  Unfortunately, I was all they had.  My big moment on the stage was very useful in helping lead worship because a lot of students prayed that I’d stop playing.

Since that time, I’ve been able to play with some pretty talented people.  They’ve even been able to stop laughing at me long enough to help give me a few pointers.  (And then resume laughing.)  I am by no means a good guitar player, but I can strum rhythm enough to play a barely noticeable song.

So what does that mean for you, my loyal reader?  Behold, now I offer you a link that discusses learning to learn how to play instruments on-line.  It primarily deals with the guitar and the piano, but I’m sure someone out there is offering instructions for the glockenspiel or the pan flute.  So, go ahead. Pick an instrument. Surf the web.  In no time, you’ll be just as good as I am at making your dogs howl.

So, there’s a good cause for Not running. But I’ve just discovered something equally as enjoyable….Not golfing. Yes, there are some tournaments for good causes throughout the year and I’ll link to them when I find them, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

First, you should know a little history about my golf game. Here it is…I stink. That’s all the history you need to know. There’s a guy that I go to church with that always says “I’m not that good” but he plays every weekend and could probably win the LPGA if given the chance. I’m not talking about the I-say-I’m-no-good-but-really-I-am kind of stinking. When I play, I count it a good day if I haven’t lost any clubs or more than a box of balls. It’s a great day if I manage to find a bunch of other balls while I’m out in the woods looking for mine. But, I gotta admit, it’s a heckuva lot of fun to sling the cart all over the course…that’s what keeps bringing me back.

My golf game took a big turn a little over a year ago. I dropping off several bags of clothes at Goodwill and noticed my clubs in the back of my car. (I have no idea why they were there or how long they’d been there, but it did explain that odd rattling sound that I’d intended to investigate for a few months.) My mind immediately flashed through all of the “fond” memories of golfing that I have…and I promptly donated my clubs to Goodwill. (I guess it’s kind of like my boat post. How many homeless people really need a good 5 iron to get their life back on track?)

This weekend I had some friends over and we decided to play golf. It might seem difficult since I don’t have any clubs, but I managed to do OK. Lance and I teamed up against Rob and JWalk for 18 holes. My back hurt the next day because I carried our team most of the way. The best part of the golfing event was that we never had to leave the couch. Well, I take that back…I had to refresh some drinks, get more chex mix, and then find the brownies. Playstation golf is much easier than the real thing. Not to mention, it’s much better on the environment. Instead of driving to the course, knocking out clumps of grass, driving around the course, and plunking local wildlife in the head, we only had to drive to my house….and consume lots of food….and burn electricity. So maybe it’s not better on the environment. At least it’s better on my blood pressure.

*Any real golf player will notice that in my picture, I have what we call a “softball swing.” I’m even wearing batting gloves. Which is really odd because in softball, I use a golf swing…