Shallow Thinker

…you can still buy me that birthday gift that you missed buying me last month:

Yes, the GoateeSaver is ready for purchase.  Learn more by watching the video on the website.  It includes a guy shaving when he doesn’t need to shave and he’s doesn’t use shaving cream, either.  That’s how awesome this device is - http://goateesaver.com/

A clothes dryer is a wonderful thing.  You put in wet clothes, apply lots of electricity, and out come dry clothes.  In my house, this is a necessity.  (I’m allergic to 97% of the things outside, so a clothes line is only to be used when Kelley is really mad at me.)  So, when the dryer doesn’t dry, what do you do?

About 6 months to a year ago, Kelley called some random person and they came out and cleaned out our dryer vent.  Immediately afterward, the magical drying process was restored.  Was the wife happy with this?  NO!  She demands that the vent remain unclogged at the dryer functional all times.  Is there no pleasing this woman?

I’m as frugal as the next person, (assuming that the next person is indeeed equal in frugality to me….if not, then forget that I mad that assertion) so I like to save a buck.  I don’t want to call our this random guy to clean my vent every six months.  Wouldn’t you know it, Lowe’s had the solution for me.  The LintEater hooks up to your drill and is supposedly used to clean out your dryer vent.  Apparently this is only true in houses other than my own.  Here’s the brief synopsis of what happened, although these events took the better part of a Sunday afternoon and Monday evening.

1. Hooked up the little brush attachment, ran into the vent.  Got it hung up somewhere in the middle.
2. Removed the brush, replaced the tip with the “clog removal tool”
3. Ran the clog removal tool through the entire vent.
4. Inspected the opening on the other end…yep.  There’s the tool….no clog removed, though.
5. Attached the brush, and pulled the thing back through the vent.
6. Noted that very little lint came out.
7. Tried dryer, yep, it blows hot air.
8. Hooked up the dryer to the vent, turned it on, checked the outlet….nothing.
9. Rehooked the brush thingy on, pushed it back down through the vent.
10. Checked the back end.  Hello, brush.  Still no lint removed.  Maybe this thing actually does “eat” the lint.
11. Pulled back through for good measure….still nothing.

So, apparently the LintEater is designed to sneak around the lint and leave it undisturbed.  While interesting, it’s not very helpful.  So, I did what any other engineer would do in this situation….I “improved” the design.

1. Used washers and bolts to attach a rag to the “system.”
2. Pushed the thing down until it got clogged.
3. Pulled it out and marveled at the amount of lint that was removed.  Are we missing a sweater?
4. Came up with a brilliant idea…
5. Ran the “clog removal tool all the way through the vent.
6. Excitedly attached the rag to the dryer side.
7. Went to the exhaust side, hooked up the drill, and pulled.  The theory is that it would be a lot easier to pull the rag through the vent than to push it.

Apparently my calculations did not take into account the fact that there would be a lot of lint in the vent.  When the rag got beyond reach from either end, the nifty “Dryer Vent Cleaning System” broke.  And not just “hey, that’s unfortunate” kind of break.  It was broken at the precise location where the rag was firmly planted into the middle of my dryer vent…and I couldn’t reach it.

I was so mad that I ripped the pieces I could get out of the vent and flung them as hard as I could.  Apparently, the “Dryer Vent Cleaning System” was not designed for prolonged flights and fell a few feet from where I was standing.  Fortunately, after I’d settled down and my wife assured me that I was still a man, I was able to use some other tools to get the rag out.  More importantly, though, I still had the original packaging…and I knew where Lowe’s was.

Morale(s) of the story:

• If you need to avoid lint, I recommend the LintEater.  It knows exactly how to sneak around the lint and come out clean as a whistle on the other side.
• The customer service person that was working at our Lowe’s last night is awesome.  Of course, I think she probably knew that I’ve probably spent enough money there to fund her college and her retirement.  But, she accepted our return and fully refunded our money.
• It’s difficult to take out your frustration on little flexible rods.
• Our house contains magical lint-attracting pipes.
• I’m installing a new dryer vent this weekend.

I’m not very good with the guitar.  I know a lot of people who are much better than I am….but that doesn’t stop me from playing when I get a chance.  I am fortunate to have a wife that not only sings beautifully, but indulges my acoustic needs.

Last week, Kelley was asked to sing and was forced into using me as the background noise.  For those of you who are interested, I’ve attempted to upload the mp3 so that you can listen to it.  Here’s Kelley singing Remember Your Chains from Steven Curtis Chapman’s album Heaven in the Real World.  No reverb, retouching, or digital mastering.  Just a recording straight from a church soundboard.

Remember Your Chains (click it to hear it)

Should any representatives of Steven Curtis Chapman come across this page, I humbly request that you update your website with contact information.  The usage agreement on songs says to use the “contact page” to obtain permission, but there’s no link on the site, I couldn’t pull it up by fishing for the web page, and all of my e-mails came back as undeliverable.  So….um….I hope you’re not mad at me or anything.  If you are mad, I hereby volunteer to jam with Mr. Chapman.  I hope he can hang with me, though.

Sunday afternoons are a wonderful opportunity to be lazy. After a nice, warm lunch prepared by the loving folks at Zaxby’s, we headed to the house for some rest. Ladybug eventually drifted off to sleep while cuddling her milk cup. Kelley seized the opportunity to close her eyes for a few minutes. So that left Butterfly and me to occupy ourselves. Usually, the afternoon is “rest time” which involves a movie on the TV, a parent trying to drift off to sleep in the background, and Butterfly pouncing around on the couch pillows like a flea at….um….a place where fleas like to bounce. Since I knew she’d have all this energy, I asked her if she wanted to help me paint my car and this almost-four-year-old jumped at the chance. I gathered up the supplies and we prepared to make our mark on our vehicles.

For my birthday, Kelley got me this little science kit with balloon-powered cars. The intent wasn’t to purchase me a toy so much as it was to buy me some time with Butterfly. Boy, what a time we had. Apparently, painting plastic is a lot of fun. More importantly, though, painting your fingers is even more fun! Butterfly did an amazing job on her car. I think that she went for the “mosaic” look. Mine is just kind of plain-Jane. (no offense to any fun-loving Janes out there)

While we were painting, Butterfly told me “Daddy, mine is the most beautiful spaceship car ever!” And then, I think she felt a bit sorry for my poor attempt at art. So she added “But don’t worry, yours is too!” So here they are, folks, the most beautiful spaceship car ever and the other most beautiful spaceship car ever.

Yes, the wheels are missing on the front of Butterfly’s car.  It actually works a little better that way.

Kids are an interesting case study. For being so new to the world, they can process and grasp immense amounts of information. And even though they’re not that good at talking for the first couple of years, they can communicate amazingly well.

Ladybug has shown us her ability to communicate within the past couple of weeks. Mealtime has been a hassle. We provide food for the little one and gratefully, she shakes her head, says “no” and then places the food onto the floor. It’s a process that we repeated several times throughout meals. It came down to the point that she would eat little chicken nuggets, cheese, bread, and fruit…that was it.  Beef? “no” broccoli? “no” hot dogs, squash, chocolate? “no, no, no.”

Kelley had the novel idea one night of just giving Ladybug a plate full of food and a fork and seeing what happened. I’ll tell you what happened…a mess and success. Ladybug ate all of her food and enjoyed feeding herself. Since then, our process has changed to where we put food on a plate and she eats it. Mealtime is a much happier event around our house now.

So, now you know the secret of happiness. Apparently it’s a fork, a plate full of food, and people just leaving you alone. I’ve been trying to tell people that for years.

So the easy part is over.  I’ve applied and been accepted into grad school.  Now comes the hard part of figuring out the course work, registering for classes, and then actually taking the classes.  I was able to meet with my advisor this morning to lay out a program plan.  Apparently there are two options with the program that I’m considering.  (1) Coursework - this involves just taking a bunch of classes and (2) Thesis - this requires fewer classes, but I’d need to write a paper.  How hard can writing a paper be?  And what’s this talk of “defending your thesis”?  I’ve seen the professors at the school and it doesn’t look like it would be too hard to fend them off in an attack.  I wonder if there are any weapons allowed…or if they all attack me at once.  I think that one of my classes needs to be in martial arts so that I can defend my thesis like a ninja would.

Oh yeah, the other hard part is to get my employer to pay for it.  I’m thinking that the ninja skills might come in handy for that, too.