I’ve been avoiding going to the doctor because I wasn’t very keen on my GP (general practitioner, for those of you who aren’t up on the medical lingo.)  A friend recommended a new guy, so I paid him a visit when I had my yearly cough.  He seemed nice enough and actually seemed to find the root cause of the cough (allergies) so that hopefully we can avoid it in future years.  Since this was a relatively pleasant encounter, I had myself a new doctor.

This is my weight

Yesterday, I bit the bullet and went in for my once-a-decade physical.  There was some listening, poking, head-turning, and coughing…all the types of things that make a physical enjoyable.  They also took some blood to check my cholesterol, liver functions, and a bunch of other stuff that I just nodded about hoping that it would make it seem like I knew what they were talking about.

After all of the inspection, the doctor told me that I seem to be in good health…”although”, he said…”although, you probably have about 5 to 10 extra pounds around the midsection that you could get rid of.”  (Insert inappropriate joke here: _____________)

Whoah, Doc, let’s talk about this.  Are you sure you have the right chart in front of you?  Maybe you were blinded by my rippling pectorals or my bulging biceps.  Maybe your glasses are foggy.  Oh, you’re not wearing glasses?  And I don’t have rippling pecs?  Well, if we’re going to completely honest with each other, your hair is tacky and your eyes are too close together.  See how it feels?

Like any good doctor, he recommended some ways to help me out.  Most of the suggestions made my wife happy because they gave her ammunition to continue hammering me about my eating habits.  One, though, had to do with my exercise routine.  His suggested that I spend 20-30 minutes doing cardiovascular exercise first thing at the gym and then do my weight training.  So, last night, I decided to give it a try.  30 minutes on the elliptical trainer and then about 30 minutes pumping some iron (using my rippling pecs, of course).  When I was completely exhausted, I stepped on the scales and…….nothing.  Absolutely nothing!  This cardio stuff is exhausting and I have nothing to show for it.

I wonder if his doctor’s degree is even real.