Shallow Thinker

This is a good example of “free”- http://www.buxr.com/go/12507.  Free Christmas music.

Need a bad example?  Wait for the next post…

I know what you’ve been thinking about the past couple of days.  You’re trying to figure out how to create the perfect mix of holiday pastries with electronic gifts.  I know, it’s tough, isn’t it?  You can’t eat a danish and then rush to play that new game because it will get all sticky.  You can’t put an LCD screen into a pie because it just wouldn’t taste all that good.

Wait a minute….what if, through some magical “cookie cutting” process you could make cookies in the shape of a Tivo?! YOU CAN! And the cutter is free….but you’d better hurry.

http://www.tivo.com/whatistivo/cookiecutter/index.html

I’m not very artistic.  I’m an engineer.  Anytime I try to be artistic, the OCD comes lashing-out to place straight lines and perfect geometry everywhere.  By the time it’s done, my attempt to create “art” has given way to a symmetrical representation of squares and circles.

Butterfly gets her skills from her mother and has the ability to create art a bit more freely than I do.  The people that she draws are unaware of social norms that dictate their shapes or sizes.  Her colors freely, and beautifully, spill over the lines meant to contain them.  When she uses scissors and glue, the finished creation cannot be defined by words….mostly because you don’t know what it is.

A week or two ago, the girls had driven Kelley crazy.  So, I snatched up Butterfly and we decided to do a craft.  I drew the basic shapes and allowed her to color, cut, and glue them.  The only exceptions are that I had to help cut some of the smaller pieces and she wanted me to draw Baby Jesus’ face.  (She did his hair, though!)  Here’s the Nativity scene that we came up with.

The plan was to expand and add animals, but she laughed at my animal drawings and said “Daddy, you’re not very good at drawing camels.  Maybe we should let Mommy try.”  See why I stick to straight lines?

I’ve been avoiding going to the doctor because I wasn’t very keen on my GP (general practitioner, for those of you who aren’t up on the medical lingo.)  A friend recommended a new guy, so I paid him a visit when I had my yearly cough.  He seemed nice enough and actually seemed to find the root cause of the cough (allergies) so that hopefully we can avoid it in future years.  Since this was a relatively pleasant encounter, I had myself a new doctor.

Yesterday, I bit the bullet and went in for my once-a-decade physical.  There was some listening, poking, head-turning, and coughing…all the types of things that make a physical enjoyable.  They also took some blood to check my cholesterol, liver functions, and a bunch of other stuff that I just nodded about hoping that it would make it seem like I knew what they were talking about.

After all of the inspection, the doctor told me that I seem to be in good health…”although”, he said…”although, you probably have about 5 to 10 extra pounds around the midsection that you could get rid of.”  (Insert inappropriate joke here: _____________)

Whoah, Doc, let’s talk about this.  Are you sure you have the right chart in front of you?  Maybe you were blinded by my rippling pectorals or my bulging biceps.  Maybe your glasses are foggy.  Oh, you’re not wearing glasses?  And I don’t have rippling pecs?  Well, if we’re going to completely honest with each other, your hair is tacky and your eyes are too close together.  See how it feels?

Like any good doctor, he recommended some ways to help me out.  Most of the suggestions made my wife happy because they gave her ammunition to continue hammering me about my eating habits.  One, though, had to do with my exercise routine.  His suggested that I spend 20-30 minutes doing cardiovascular exercise first thing at the gym and then do my weight training.  So, last night, I decided to give it a try.  30 minutes on the elliptical trainer and then about 30 minutes pumping some iron (using my rippling pecs, of course).  When I was completely exhausted, I stepped on the scales and…….nothing.  Absolutely nothing!  This cardio stuff is exhausting and I have nothing to show for it.

I wonder if his doctor’s degree is even real.