Shallow Thinker

One week after posting my resolution, it’s time to post the first Official Shallow Thinker Fitness Report (OSTFR).  Can I get a drumroll please……

No, I need it to be a good drumroll.  Not just your fingers on the desk.  Someone find a snare drum.

Alright.  After one whole week of an intense fitness regime, my weight and fat % numbers are in the ranges below:

So, the good news is that I’ve ordered my scales (shown in the picture) to help me track my progress.  The bad news is that they haven’t arrived yet.  Unfortunately, I can’t tell you if I’ve lost weight or become a rare example of human conditioning.  Well, I can tell you for sure about the latter of those two, but the former can’t be determined.  On the plus side, there is no  any evidence that I’ve gained weight, either.  YAY!

I’ll have to consult with Kelley, but I think that we need to celebrate a week of not gaining weight (and you can’t prove that I have - HAHA!).  I’m thinking a Chinese Buffet might be a bit over the top.  Maybe KFC is a good trade-off.  It’s healthy because it’s chicken.

Have I mentioned that I’m trying to train our dogs a little?  (I think I have….yep, here it is.)  In order for us to maintain proper control, it’s probably a lot easier for the dogs to be healthier, and happier.  And, for them to be healthier and happier, they need regular exercise.

Since my first attempt, the walks have been tedious and difficult.  The dogs still pull (though not as bad) and I still try to correct them.  My shoulders have been aching due to the constant corrections.  Some portions of the walks will involve more stops than rush hour in Atlanta.  Other portions will as smooth the pick-up lines my brother used during college.

As of right now, I haven’t given up on the dogs (though I’ve come very close) and they haven’t learned the proper technique yet.  However, we have noticed that they obey commands much more frequently during the non-walk times of the day.  Kelley takes the girls outside when the weather cooperates and has commented that the dogs have become more submissive and calm around the children, as well as other guests.

Butterfly has even gained some control over Pippin (the fluffy one).  She’ll tell him to sit and he plops down.  If he doesn’t, she informs him in no uncertain terms that she won’t pet him until he does.  Somehow, he understands this reasoning and takes a seat.  She then showers him with petting.  Ladybug doesn’t wait for them to obey, nor does she limit herself to pets.  She hugs and kisses a while they sit back and enjoy the attention.

So, what’s the moral of the story?  If you want your dogs to learn to sit, teach them to go for a walk!  Not to worry, I’ve decided to send some money Cesar Millan’s way for some instructional DVD’s.  There isn’t a problem that can’t be solved by throwing some money at it.

If you decided that you wanted to save the planet, I should not be on the top of your list to assist in the effort.  I know people who are very environmentally conscious and can always identify ways to reduce waste.  There are tons of excuses that I could give for why I’m not capable at this, but the fact of the matter is that this type of thing hasn’t been one of my priorities and I’m not well-practiced at it.  Recently, my wife has been helping me to identify our recyclable items.  She commonly rescues metals or plastics from our trashcan and gives me a stern scolding.  Her efforts are slowly taking their hold on me and I’m starting to recognize what items can go into our tiny blue bin.

Our increased recycling awareness, however, has hit a small hurdle.  Our poor little bin can not contain all of the good-hearted materials that we put into it.  The recycling truck comes every other week and within those two weeks, our bin is overflowing.  (Yes, I’m aware that there’s another problem here regarding the amount of stuff we go through.  Baby steps, people…baby steps.)  So, in my brand new earth-aware mentality, I decided to build something to hold all of our goods.  Here are the requirements that I had:

• relatively cheap
• easily movable to the road for pick-up
• must have separate compartments for glass, paper, plastic, and metal  (the workers currently have to sort stuff out as they go)
• must allow the workers to easily empty each compartment

With these requirements, and about an hour of free time, I put together the following masterpiece of ecosystem responsibility -

I was feeling good about my project…until I started thinking about it.  That wood came from some tree somewhere.  Keeping trees living is a good thing.  Cutting them down is bad.  And what about the petroleum and the waste-intensive process used to make those plastic bins?  Not good, either.  With friends like me, our environment doesn’t need any enemies.  There is one small victory in this - at least I thought about it before I went forward with my plans to make it self-propelled with a gas powered engine.

Shallow Thinker - saving the world, one small disaster at a time

It doesn’t matter how old you get, Play-Doh is fun and soothing.  When I’m elected president, I think I’ll institute a mandatory Play-Doh Time to relieve stress and promote creativity.

The votes have been cast (both of them), I’ve consulted my advisers (ESPN & XBOX 360), and I’ve charted my course.  I’m ready to submit my official release of Shallow Thinker’s 2009 New Year Resolution (C).  Yes, you read that right, I’ve only got one resolution this year.  To Kelley, you need nights away independent of a New Year.  You deserve those own your own merit.  Actually, you deserve a night to yourself, but I’m lazy man-scum, so you’ll have to drag me along as well.  To Alana, good suggestion and it is considered as a portion of my actual resolution.

This year, I make the leap from my 20’s to my 30’s.  I will leave behind the youthful ways and join the ranks of adulthood.  To join those ranks in a fashion that I deem appropriate, I make this resolution…with some slight clarifications.

I hereby resolve that when I turn 30 in July, I will be at my target weight…which I think is 172.  I’m currently at 185.

• I might work-out so much that I lose the flab and gain muscle but still weigh 185.  That is acceptable - though unrealistic.
• I will need to buy some scales so that I can weigh myself.  That would be a helpful step.
• Also helpful would be identifying my true target weight.
• I should minimize my intake of bad breakfasts.  I’ve heard that chicken biscuits aren’t the best choice you can make.  I know, surprising, right?
• I should probably start to eat breakfast regularly.  It’s a long, boring story that ends with me not eating breakfast much.
• I should reduce my consumption of meat.  Given the rate at which restaurants are reducing portion sizes, that might prove much easier than intended.
• I should probably reduce my attendance at restaurants.  This one is tough.
• Working-out more often is a good idea.
• Involving cardio in the workout will also be helpful.

So there’s my resolution with my helpful hints to myself.  185 now, lets assume that I need to lose 15 pounds.  My keen mathematical skills indicate that I should lose 2.5 pounds per month…or convert 2.5 pounds of fat to muscle.  Once I get my scales, I’ll post my weekly/monthly/wheneverly weigh-ins so that you can laugh at me as I actually put more weight on - I’m looking forward to it!