A year ago, I talked a bit of trash to the youth of our church.  Fortunately, the other old folks helped me out as we crushed the youth in our annual flag football game.  This Sunday marks the return of the Turkey Bowl.  And, if I were a smart man, I would adapt the following lessons for this game:

  • I am too old to play.  I will hurt myself and be sore for 2-3 days after.
  • Trash-talking is not wise because I can’t back it up.  I have to rely a lot on who shows up for each side and things that are beyond my control.
  • Playing just isn’t smart because I’ll be all sweaty and stinky for the meal that follows.  And, when I have to play the guitar, I’ll drip sweat all over it and won’t be able to hold the pick.

Really, no good could possibly come from participating in this game.  So, after speaking with my agent and weighing my options, I must offer the following statement to the press:

We’re going to crush the youth like little….things that you can crush easily.  And we’ll win big.  Huge.  Monstrous winning will occur.  We’ll score more touchdowns that Troy Aikman did against….some team that he scored a lot of touchdowns against.  I’s going to be so brutal that they’ll need to call the paramedics because of our…brutality.  So, um….YEAH!

There you have it.  And yes, you can quote me on that.  Hey, if the Minnesota Vikings can win with old man Favre leading their team down the field, we just might have a chance with Old Man Harrel at the helm.