Published by JPLand on 02 Apr 2010 at 01:47 pm
Choose Your Own Adventure
Have I complained about graduate school in a while? Probably. But eh, why not go some more.
If all goes according to plan, I will have one course remaining after I finish this semester. Conveniently, the illustrious university that I am attending offers a course in my field of study during the summer. Unfortunately, it is one that I have already had. So, I e-mailed the director of the program to see what my options are. There are two. (1) Wait until the fall and take a different course or (2) do an “independent study.”
Seeing as I’m one of those types that likes to do things immediately and get them out of the way, the independent study seems like a great idea. The problem is that I will probably have to derive the course description, content, and grading scheme. I’m all for teaching and grading myself, but doing so in a manner that is approved by the university will probably prove difficult. So, I have come up with some ideas for my course topic. See what you think, or add your own in the comment section. Remember that my degree will be in Engineering Management.
- MWA-605 - (Management by Walking Around) - The course would detail how to walk around an office, make generic statements, and appear way more important than I actually am.
- MCP-514 - “Management Catch Phrases” will work on extending my vocabulary to include the parts of managerial speech that so often eludes the common fold. From “Strike while the nose is on the grindstone” to “Think outside the mousetrap.”
- MCP-515 - The advanced level of MCP-514 will center around high-level management phrases like “Team Construct” and one of my all time favorites “Hierarchical Analysis“
- ELS-635 - This course details how to utilize extended lunches in order to create a sense of entitlement.
- PTE-538 - People who do crappy work are eventually assigned menial tasks that don’t matter. Those who excel have more and more work assigned to them. This is a course in how to continually punish those who excel.
Any other ideas on how to improve my managing skills?
Mike on 02 Apr 2010 at 5:27 pm #
You could always do one of the two currently affecting my workplace.
1) How to make schedules that leave no room for any type of problem and then give these schedules to the largest science funding source in the country. This course also includes how to make presentations that make it look like you’re not behind and how to throw your employees under the bus.
2) How to hire family friends that are incompetent and then make everyone else work harder to cover up for the fact that the people you hired are useless. Also includes how to convince your superiors that everyone complaining about said useless employees are in fact wrong.
Alana on 05 Apr 2010 at 10:30 am #
I really think all of this stuff could fit well into a course called something like “Advanced Ethics for Business.” There would be plenty of room in such a course for all of these topics PLUS helpful maxims, like my husband’s favorite, “Never put all your eggs in one pencil.”
Rainer on 09 Apr 2010 at 10:22 am #
You could also include:
MWS-698: Management While Sleeping: How to make it look like you’re on an important conference call and can’t be disturbed. Shows techniques like how to use various phones (cell phone, desk speaker phone, VOIP) to mask your siesta. Shows proper head support techniques to keep your face from getting QWERTY cheek marks. The last class covers how to wake up and keep pulling on your hair and looking stressed to explain the matted hair and red eyes. This is a special 4 hour course, since half the time is spent practicing napping in a desk chair.