Shallow Thinker

I’m somewhat introverted.  Especially when it comes to  some of my daily tasks.  At work, I like to use the restroom that is located away form the offices and is unlikely to have someone walk in and disturb my quiet time.  This morning I ventured to my favorite spot.  As I was concentrating on completing my task, I heard an alarm sound.  A wave of panic crept over me because my first thought was that this was the fire alarm.  I tried to figure out what to do before I talked myself into believing that it was the security alarm (one of the panels is located just outside of the restroom door) and that someone would eventually turn it off.  (Side Note: Shouldn’t the alarms have a voice that intermittently tells you what kind of alarm it is.  That way you don’t run outside because of a fire only to find out it’s the tornado siren?  Sorry, I digress…) Luckily, I was right, the alarm was soon silenced, and was able to complete my duties (pun!) in the peace that I enjoy.

But this got me to thinking.  (Hey, it’s quiet in there. It’s a good place to ponder things.)  What if the fire alarm really did go off while I was in the middle of my business?  What would you do in that situation.  If you stay with the building, you risk being burned and found by the firefighters/coroner in a very compromising position.  If you run out of the building, you’d be standing outside forever with agonizing pressure building up inside of you.  And you know that the alarms take forever before they sound the “all clear” and let you back inside.  Especially when it’s cold and rainy.

I came to the conclusion that I would probably risk my safety for a couple of minutes in order to finish my…um…”work.”  Here’s m reasoning: Obviously, the fire wouldn’t have been in the bathroom because I would have seen it when I walked in, so I would have a little time to work with.  Worst case scenario is that the flames begin to close in on me right as I’m finishing. But fortunately, I am in a room with a lot of water at my disposal. I could turn the sinks on and protect myself for a while if I had to.  But I wouldn’t have to.  Why? I would run through the flames to safety.  If I were found alive in the bathroom, everyone know what I was doing in there.  and they’d all know about my great pooping spot.  But if I ran through the fire, not only would I keep the secrecy of my sanctuary, everyone outside would see me running out the door through the flames.  I would be legendary.  And I would further my legend by telling people that I was trying to rescue valuable company property…but I just didn’t have enough time before it caught fire.

Yes, this is the kind of thing I think about on a daily basis.  I’ll save my story for what I’d do if I survived an epic disaster that wipes out most of the population for another day.  (Hint: Take a car from a dealership, rest their souls, and drive it as fast as I could.)