Shallow Thinker

While the date in the system says “Aug 12,” this was just posted this afternoon.  But I’ll not complain….much more.

• On the 30th of July, I submitted my final paper for my graduate degree.
• On the 2nd of August, the grade for my class was registered online.
• On the 6th of August, I checked online to see if my degree was noted on my unofficial transcript.
• And again on the 13th.
• The 20th
• The 27th
• On the first of September, I called the registrar’s office to make sure there were no holds on my account or anything like that.  I was assured that everything was fine and that everything should happen soon.
• On the 10th of September, I managed to have the department liaison track down some emails and let me know when they submitted everything to the registrar’s office.  I should hear something any day now.
• On the 18th of September, I was copied on an email from the department  liaison notifying the registrar’s office of some of the particulars of my degree indicating that they had been asking some questions about what specific degree and minor I should be getting.
• We’re on day 50 of Degree Watch, 2010.  Stay tuned to see if I am actually granted a degree or if I have just been undergoing an exercise in futility.  Sometimes it’s hard to tell.

On July 31, I submitted my final assignment for graduate school.  It was a riveting paper that detailing my case study of the failure to implement a software process improvement technique in a mechanical design environment.  I know, you’re completely fascinated with the concept and would love to learn more about the subject.  Unfortunately, that’s not the subject of today’s post.  Today’s post is to highlight the fact that I think I’m done with my Master’s degree. (or is it with a little “m”…or does the apostrophe go after?  I’m not familiar with the proper punctuation of degrees.) And to think that it all started so long ago…

I say that I think I’m done because I haven’t heard for sure.  My professor read my work of poetry and posted my grade pretty quick.  For the past three weeks, I’ve been watching my academic record waiting to see the magical degree appear.  A part of it is because I want some closure that everything is actually done and finished.  The other part is because I really want to see how they punctuate the title.  Either way, I haven’t seen any update on my record or received my diploma in the mail.

I still invite you to join me in celebrating the fact that I might, possibly be done.  Maybe.  Could still have more to do, though.  Possibly not.  Who knows?  Or maybe, they found out that I was really only doing this in hopes of making more money instead of doing it for the true pursuit of academia and that caused them to revoke my degree. Crap, I knew I should have used bigger words in that report.

Class #8 of 10 is now complete.  My final lecture of the course was last night.  The professor was nice enough to give us our final exam two weeks ago so we all showed up tonight hoping to get our graded finals.  (We got them.)  Class #9 comes to a close tomorrow evening with our final webchat of the semester.  My final assignment for the course is due at the same time that our class starts.

This final assignment has been a bit different.  We are supposed to make a presentation to justify a department within a fictional organization.  I worked through my rough draft last week and have been struggling with my final draft this week.  As I worked on some details this morning, I decided to go back and calculate what I need to make on this assignment in order to get an “A” in the class.  I need a 70.  Not bad.  But what do I need in order to have a “B” in the class? I need a 3. No, not a typo.  It’s a single-digit.

Well now, that takes the pressure off.  Instead of struggling through the assignment in order to make it perfect, I’ve decided to just add some pretty pictures.  Want to see my first slide?

You see that awesome logo at the top?  Yeah, I made it myself.  Because that’s what it takes to earn a 3 in graduate school.

One of the funnest parts about being in grad school is being included on e-mails like the ones below.  You know there’s some kind of story behind this…

I forwarded this out to some of my coworkers for a laugh and, as is likely to happen with engineers, I started a pun war.

From: Brian
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 9:07 AM

Yeah – something’s definitely afoot.

From: John
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 9:08 AM

We could take this story and run with it.

From: Brian
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 10:07 AM

If they’re caught, the thieves won’t have a leg to stand on.

From: John
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 10:08 AM

The police wanted to investigate, but the thieves already had a leg up.

From: Brian
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 10:10 AM

Students on campus are wondering if the community will be able to heel after such a heinous crime.

From: John
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 10:11 AM

Crime certainly has a toe-hold in that area.

From: Brian
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 10:13 AM

These foot puns are getting really corn-y.

From: Jonathan
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 10:13 AM

I’m sending this thread to the guys whose project this was. He’ll get a kick out of it.

From: Andy
Sent: Tuesday, April 27, 2010 1:48 PM

How could ya’ll be so callus?

Last night I took my final exam for class #8 in the 10-course master’s program.  I have three weeks and two assignments due in order to complete course #9.  So, in theory, I could finish my degree this summer.  In theory…

I checked the website for the master’s program and they are indeed offering a course this summer.  A course that I have already taken.  In the fall, they will be offering three courses…none of which have been offered since I started the program.  Isn’t that awesome?  So my options were to either wait until the fall and have an abundance of choices or to….well, actually, that was my only choice because I’d already had the summer course.

Seeing my option in front of me, I did what any man would do.  I wrote an e-mail to the program directors and begged for some help.  I realized that it’s difficult to try to curry favor by praising a program while also explaining that you want out as soon as possible.  Either I was articulate, the director had pity on me, or they have contingencies for situations like this.  Whichever it was, I have been allowed to do an independent study for the summer session.

I now have 10 weeks in the summer to do a research project and write a paper.  My course advisers are interested in the topic and have already indicated that the paper could be published.  Now that’s some pressure.  Well, not for me.  It’s pressure for Kelley because she’s going to have to edit this thing.  I hope she makes me sound smart!

Have I complained about graduate school in a while?  Probably.  But eh, why not go some more.

If all goes according to plan, I will have one course remaining after I finish this semester.  Conveniently, the illustrious university that I am attending offers a course in my field of study during the summer.  Unfortunately, it is one that I have already had.  So, I e-mailed the director of the program to see what my options are.  There are two.  (1) Wait until the fall and take a different course or (2) do an “independent study.”

Seeing as I’m one of those types that likes to do things immediately and get them out of the way, the independent study seems like a great idea.  The problem is that I will probably have to derive the course description, content, and grading scheme.  I’m all for teaching and grading myself, but doing so in a manner that is approved by the university will probably prove difficult.  So, I have come up with some ideas for my course topic.  See what you think, or add your own in the comment section.  Remember that my degree will be in Engineering Management.

• MWA-605 - (Management by Walking Around) - The course would detail how to walk around an office, make generic statements, and appear way more important than I actually am.
• MCP-514 - “Management Catch Phrases” will work on extending my vocabulary to include the parts of managerial speech that so often eludes the common fold.  From “Strike while the nose is on the grindstone” to “Think outside the mousetrap.”
• MCP-515 - The advanced level of MCP-514 will center around high-level management phrases like “Team Construct” and one of my all time favorites “Hierarchical Analysis“
• ELS-635 - This course details how to utilize extended lunches in order to create a sense of entitlement.
• PTE-538 - People who do crappy work are eventually assigned menial tasks that don’t matter.  Those who excel have more and more work assigned to them.  This is a course in how to continually punish those who excel.

Any other ideas on how to improve my managing skills?

Before I started graduate school, I liked to read a little.  When I say “a little” I mean “maybe a book a year.”  As a matter of fact, I started a page about books that I read so that I could share them with the internets.  But I got so bored with my lack of reading that I stopped updating the page.  When graduate school started, I used that as an excuse to stop trying.  There are some books that I feel that I should read, but I just don’t care for them.  It’s kind of like the movie The Blind Side.  Everyone is raving about how good it is, but I have no interest in seeing it.  Does that make me a bad person?  Probably.  But I’m very content with being a bad person.  The same applies to a lot of books out there.  I want to be cool and be able to discuss stuff with all of my hip, book-lover friends, but I can’t bring myself to do the required reading.

I finally decided to forget about the books that I should read and start getting things that I want to read.  Oh, the good stuff is so refreshing.  I’ve been through a book and a half in the past month.  That’s a record for me!  Granted, I have had to ignore some of my grad school required reading in order to achieve this lightning-fast pace, but I gotta feed my brain some sweets to go along with the bland course requirements.

So what awesome books have captured my brain?  Um….well…..

See, here’s the thing.  You have to promise that you won’t laugh at me for this.  I mean it.

PROMISE!  OK, here they are:

So be honest.  Does this selection make me look nerdy?

I’ll be the first to admit that every school system has their problems.  I’ll also be in line to discuss how our local school system seems to have a much larger pile of problems than the rest.  Horrible decisions are made almost every day and top administration officials seem concerned only with protecting themselves and promoting their friends.

So, like any dysfunctional group, the local school board isn’t the best at planning ahead.  For about a week, the local weather services had been predicting a chance of snow for last night.  But yesterday turned out to be one of the warmest days of the week.  It reached 50 degrees.  Not sunbathing weather, but certainly nothing to cry about.

In the late afternoon yesterday, with the temperature hovering in the mid-40’s and the precipitation definitely not falling, the local school board made the decision to close schools.  And because my daughters’ preschool follows their lead, it shut down as well.  At the time, I thought it was preposterous to make such a decision at that time.  Wouldn’t the wait-and-see approach be more appropriate?

It just goes to show what little I know.  I took a couple of picture of the great blizzard that hit our area last night.  Here’s a shot of our front yard looking across the street over to our neighbor’s house:

How did I survive out there?!  And you want to know something even crazier than all that snow?  I actually tried to drive to work in that mess!  Our parking lot was beautiful under such a thick blanket of snow.

So if you’ll pardon me, I’m off to build a snowman.  I’ll probably make just as much progress on the snowman as I’m going to make on this report that I’m working on.

You can check my blog archives, but I don’t think that I’ve ever complained about graduate school before.  (No need to actually check.  Here are the links to my school complaints - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 & 7)  So, since I’m such a good sport about this school thing, perhaps you’ll indulge me a moment to complain.

This semester came to a close last night as I took a final exam.  I’ve never been one of those to take the full amount of time allotted for an exam.  I’m usually one of the first ones to walk-out, as a matter of fact.  It’s not because I’m smart or super-fast, it’s just my approach to exams.  I figure that I know the material or I don’t.  So, I put down what I know, fake what I don’t and move on.  For this exam, though, almost everyone was in the classroom for the duration. I allotted myself 30 minutes for each problem (5 total) and figured that I’d have nothing to do for the last 30 but maybe verify a couple of steps.  Nope.  I spent the entire time crunching numbers.  This wasn’t an exam in investment analysis.  It was an exam in using calculators.  I made so many calculations and wrote so much that one of my mechanical pencils broke.  One of the test problems had an entire page of text to read through just to find the six or seven numbers pertinent to the problem.  The professor insisted that this “case study” was a real life application of what we’ve learned.  Yeah?  Well, in real life, I’m not limited to three hours and I have a paycheck waiting when I’m done.  So I deem your problem silly and trivial….but I’ll still do it.

At any rate, the semester is over and I can catch my breath before diving back into a new semester in January.  The holidays now seem a little cheerier and my evenings are a bit more free.  I don’t have a care in the world!  Well, except for the fact that I have a compulsive need to check the school website every half hour to see if my grades have been posted yet.  I’ve already checked three times while writing this post.  If his final were really so important, you’d think that he’d have the grades posted by now.  Jerk.

UPDATE: Behold the power of my writing!  An hour after posting this the professor posted our grades.  I was joking about it, but this is the first time I’ve had a class where we took a final and less than 24 hours later, the grades were posted.  Now pardon me while I find something else to complain about.

Quick background - My employer pays for a portion of my graduate school, but only if I make a B or higher in the courses that I take.  The process is that I take the classes, get my grades, show them to my HR rep, and the company writes me a check.  The university normally requires students to pay before the semester starts, though.  Fortunately, they offer a deferred payment option.  I request this option at the beginning of the semester, pay a small fee, and I’m good to go.  By the time the bill comes due, I’ve already gotten my grades and the check from my employer.  It’s a pretty cool system.

Now the story - On August 3rd, all of my assignments for the summer semester were due.  August 4th was the deadline for my professors to submit grades for the summer semester.  Yesterday, I received a letter in the mail from this same academic institution.  It was dated August 5th.  The letter told me that my request for deferred payment for the summer semester was received.  And approved!  I reread the letter to make sure….yep, it said “summer semester.”  I looked at the date again….”August 5, 2009.”

So, the day after the summer semester was over, the school told me that it was OK for me to wait and pay my balance until after the semester was over.  I’m glad I was approved, and I’m thankful for them working with me, but it makes me wonder.  What am I supposed to do if my application is denied and I don’t find out until after the semester?  Do I go back and untake the classes or to I make the payment two months ago?

While my escapades into the mind of a plagiarist were fun, they do distract slightly from the overall arch of this academic year.  On August 19th of last year, I started the graduate program.  Since then, I have completed five of the ten courses required for the degree.  I have looked through my course requirements and talked with the various department heads and, if all goes according to plan, I’ll take two courses this semester, two in the spring, and then have one last class in the summer.  I’ll finish with the following degree:

Masters of Science in Engineering in Engineering Management with a minor in Technical Communications

They might have to give me two degrees in order to fit the whole name on there.  Basically, the MSE is offered in things like Electrical Engineering or Mechanical Engineering, but all of that doesn’t really relate to the part of my job that I enjoy doing.  The Engineering Management curriculum is more focused on the work that I do and the things that interest me.  It is a step out of my comfort zone to try for the minor in Technical Communications.  The classes typically require more time, work, and research, but I have found that they are very beneficial.  For instance, if it weren’t for the course that I took this past semester, you guys wouldn’t have had that fun plagiarism story to read.  See, we all win.

At the halfway point, I must admit that this has been a challenging experience.  I haven’t been overwhelmed by the difficulty of the work, I’ve just been much more stressed because of the time commitment that has been required.  Some nights require me to be at school, so I try to make sure that I’m at home with the girls the other nights.  I’ve given up reading (alright, video games) after the girls go to sleep in order to work on work and assignments.  And, I’ve had to devote the better part of a few weekends for some projects and some papers.  Through it all, Kelley has been very supportive and just plain amazing.  Thanks, Babe!  At the end of it all, I should reward you with something cool.  I have some ideas, but most of them involve building a statue of you from cheese.  I’ll keep working on it.

And, you have my word that this is the last time I do something like this.  Until we decide that I need a PhD, but after that, definitely no more degrees.  Now, I might try to become a licensed engineer and have to take the PE exam which would require a lot of studying.  But other than those two things, that’s it.  Unless I find a cool, new hobby.  But other than that…