Shallow Thinker

My parents got the newspaper every Sunday when I was growing up.  After church, I would read the comics, then look through all of the sales papers, and if complete boredom still reigned, I would skim through the headlines of the paper.  I always skipped the sports and the fashion sections.  World news got a brief glance, but most of my attention would be devoted to the “Living” section.  I don’t know why it was called this, but it was a hodge-podge of random articles that didn’t fit anywhere else.

One Sunday, I think I was in ninth grade, things must have been really slow because I started actually reading some of the articles.  I read for a while and then hit one that was amazing.  The writing style was perfect.  The humor was amazing.  After I finished, I showed it to my dad and he said “Oh, that’s Dave Barry.  He has an article every Sunday.”  I was hooked.  I even tried writing a few reports in the same style.  (Looking back, I realize that it wasn’t a good idea.  The grade I received helped me reach that conclusion.)

For the rest of my high school days, I read Barry’s columns.  In college, I was fortunate to find his column printed on-line through the Miami Herald.  At my first job, my Monday morning ritual included reading the column from the day before.  (See, my ability to not work has been with me for a long time.) But, all good things must come to an end and Dave decided to leave my Mondays dry and bare.  He now returns with an article that recaps the happenings of each year.  That’s it….just once a year.  And now is that time.  I hope that you enjoy it as much as I do.  Or at a minimum, maybe your company’s internet filter lets it through like mine does.

http://www.miamiherald.com/living/columnists/dave-barry/story/1397654.html

I’m always scared to tell about good things for the fear that they will be gone.  I tempted fate in March of last year by bragging how I had free XM radio in my car.  At that point, I had been enjoying 6 months of free XM radio.  Surely, I wouldn’t be so stupid to post something like that again and tempt the powers of XM…

I’m about to start month 26 of my 3 month trial of XM radio.  I have tried to not become accustomed to it because eventually they’ll flip the switch and I’ll have static.  But I can’t help it.  There’s just so much good music and comedy I’ve always got it on.  Heck, I don’t think that I’ve listened to my CD’s or Zune in the car for several months.

A few months ago, I discovered what might just be my favorite music channel.  The coffee house provides acoustic versions of songs from singers, songwriters, and even some acoustic covers of famous songs.  Granted, some stuff is boring, but for the most part, it’s an amazing listening experience.  About a week ago, I heard Adam Rafferty do an acoustic rendition of Stevie Wonder’s Superstition.  It’s a stunning version of one of my favorite songs. (The googles helped me find a clip on you tube that I’ve added at the bottom of the post.)

So, what’s the bottom line?  XM radio is some of the best money that I’ve never spent. If you ever get the chance to not pay for XM, I highly recommend that you choose to…not…pay. Otherwise, I suppose that you would be stuck where you are now which is to be not….paying…um….for not…listening. Ah, crap. Just watch the video.

The key to making money is to be ahead of the curve when it comes to trends.  Dear readers of my blog (or those of you who see the feed on Facebook), I have decided to pass along to you my new idea.  But I warn you to buy into it now because once it hits big, it will be too late.

Are you ready?  Too bad.  To really understand my idea, you need to have some historical perspective.

About 7 or 8 years ago, the craze to hit the video gaming was called “DDR”.  For those of you that are out of the loop, DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) is a game that requires the participants to step on a pad in specific spots in time with the music.  Think of the old Nintendo powerpad but with a groove.  The game was monstrously huge in Japan and saw some moderate success in the US.  An unexpected market for the DDR series came from people that were looking for a way to get fit but also have fun.  Heck, Kelley and I even bought a couple of mats (on sale for $7) and used them to get our legs in shape.  Twice.

A more recent craze has been the Rock Band / Guitar Hero series on the game stations.  Participants select their instrument of choice (lead guitar, bass guitar, drums, or microphone) and then follow the on-screen prompts for making sweet music.  The premise is compelling because people with absolutely no musical talent (me) can feel like the a star playing “Sweet Child of Mine.”  I went to my first Rock Band party this past weekend and was amazed at how much fun the game was.  One of the more seasoned participants was able to play the guitar and sing at the same time.  It was so much fun that I told Kelley that we have to get the game.  Do you know how awesome that drum set would look sitting in our closet?

So, now that you have an idea as to what has swept the nation recently, here’s my idea:

A combination DDR/Rock Band game.  We were sitting there playing some of the Beatles songs and one of the people picked “Twist and Shout” for us to perform.  I won’t bore you with details about how stellar my drumming performance was, but I will tell you that a couple of people were tapping their feet.  And, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone in the back was doing a little twist, as well.  I thought to myself, why not invite all of those watching to come and dance while we play?  Better yet, why not make the dancing a part of the game?  You can combine two current technologies (low startup cost) into one exciting game (high profit)!

But any good idea has to have ideas for expansion.  Fear not, I’ve got you covered.  Two years after this has hit the market, we’ll come out with a brass instrument expansion pack.  Then we’ll release the game “Marching Band Revolution.”  Players will play the pretend trumpet while marching in rhythm on the pad.  They slowly work their way up to Drum Major.  For the fans of heavy metal music, there could be “Smash Dance Revolution.”  The musicians play heavy metal rock while the “dancers” jump all over the place and bash into each other.  Bonus points for guitar smashing.

Brilliance, people.  This idea is pure brilliance.  And I hereby claim the idea.  Since this concept will make tons of money, I’ll go ahead and sell the rights to you.  But I warn you, it won’t come cheap.  It will take at least 2 Chick-Fil-A biscuits to earn your chance at gaming history.

I thought a few shirts on both of these lists were funny and most on both lists were dumb.

• 20 coolest Christian T-shirts
• 20 coolest Athiest T-shirts

In general, I think that most Christian T-shirts are lame.  If the point is to share your faith, then why are so many of them like inside jokes?  Only people who understand the concept would understand the shirt and those aren’t the ones who you want to understand the shirt.  Understand?  My favorite one is “They will know we are Christians by our T-shirts.”  I actually have one of these, but mine is an original and a much cooler design.  (you can order it here!)  It’s funny because it’s true.

And now that you mention it (you did mention it, didn’t you?), I think that all conflicts should be handled with a T-shirt war.  The best t-shirt wins the argument.  Presidential debates would be the candidates wearing 5 custom t-shirts.  And to make it fair, they’d have an hour to make 2 rebuttal t-shirts.  The ratings would be through the roof.  Debates on capital hill?  T-shirts!  War in Afghanistan?  T-shirts!  Well, there might be some allowances here for messages on those things that the ladies have to wear, but the concept remains.

So, who’s with me?  Let’s solve our problems like true passive-aggressive debaters!

…is so that I can be like Uncle Rico:

http://www.engadget.com/2009/08/26/nintendo-kirfs-nerf-with-soft-football-patent-attempt/

Wiimote football controller

This semester is done.  At least, I think it is.  I’ll let you know the official word when the grades hit the books.  So, for my troubles, my wife has planned an end-of-semester/mother’s-day/my-30th-birthday getaway.  I’m beyond excited…

http://www.accessatlanta.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/08/spinal_tap_unplugged.html?cxntlid=sldr_hm

Spinal Tap was my first experience into the mockumentary world.  Christopher Guest and crew have churned out several others (A Mighty Wind, Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show, etc) and I love their comedy.  I’m excited about an awesome concert, a fabulous hotel, a good meal with friends, and some quality time with my wife.

It seems that everywhere I turn, people are being hampered from their work by bureaucracy…red tape, paperwork, management, reports, etc.  I remember when I first started working at my current job.  I was constantly looking for solutions to technical problems.  I drew, designed, analyzed.  It was the work that I had trained for in college.  Contrast that with the past three days.  On paper, I’ve officially checked two drawings.  30 minutes of work…tops.  What I’ve really been doing is filling out spreadsheets, updating schedules, identifying training, mapping processes, and all kinds of other stuff that doesn’t seem to help out at all.  It’s all part of the territory of managing projects, I suppose.

Over the past three years, I have been involved with the implementation of CMMI at my office.  If you’re unfamiliar with the term, you can read the long, boring wiki article that is linked.  Once you get to the point in the article that you don’t understand what it says, come back here and we’ll be on the same page.  The short explanation is that it’s a very document-heavy way of doing things.  Make a decision, document it.  Have a meeting to discuss the decision.  Document the meeting…..and on and on and on.  (You should clearly document and label all of those “on and ons”, as well)  I used to think that being a program manager was challenging because of the work required.  Now it’s just impossible because of the documentation that’s required.  And I’m not even doing it right!

I’m working on my Masters in Engineering and Technical Management.  (Think of it as an MBA for engineers.)  My original thinking was that this would be helpful in for my program management roles and eventually, if I ever move into management.  Now, I’m rethinking all of that.  I’m wondering if I can take courses that let me go back to when I was dumb and happy.  I’m also wondering if managers get paid so much not because of what they know, but because the money is the only reason that anyone would do their job.

The video posted below is for my friend Fadi…and anyone that knows him.

‘Warcraft’ Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing ‘Warcraft’

I know what you’ve been thinking about the past couple of days.  You’re trying to figure out how to create the perfect mix of holiday pastries with electronic gifts.  I know, it’s tough, isn’t it?  You can’t eat a danish and then rush to play that new game because it will get all sticky.  You can’t put an LCD screen into a pie because it just wouldn’t taste all that good.

Wait a minute….what if, through some magical “cookie cutting” process you could make cookies in the shape of a Tivo?! YOU CAN! And the cutter is free….but you’d better hurry.

http://www.tivo.com/whatistivo/cookiecutter/index.html

I’m not very good with the guitar.  I know a lot of people who are much better than I am….but that doesn’t stop me from playing when I get a chance.  I am fortunate to have a wife that not only sings beautifully, but indulges my acoustic needs.

Last week, Kelley was asked to sing and was forced into using me as the background noise.  For those of you who are interested, I’ve attempted to upload the mp3 so that you can listen to it.  Here’s Kelley singing Remember Your Chains from Steven Curtis Chapman’s album Heaven in the Real World.  No reverb, retouching, or digital mastering.  Just a recording straight from a church soundboard.

Remember Your Chains (click it to hear it)

Should any representatives of Steven Curtis Chapman come across this page, I humbly request that you update your website with contact information.  The usage agreement on songs says to use the “contact page” to obtain permission, but there’s no link on the site, I couldn’t pull it up by fishing for the web page, and all of my e-mails came back as undeliverable.  So….um….I hope you’re not mad at me or anything.  If you are mad, I hereby volunteer to jam with Mr. Chapman.  I hope he can hang with me, though.

At the beginning of this year, I got hooked on a TV show that was a blast from the 80’s.  On this blog, I documented how much I enjoyed American Gladiators.  I think that a part of the draw is that people sitting at home think “hey, I could do that!”…well, that and the fact that people are getting pummeled.

Unfortunately, as winter ended, so did the season of Gladiators.  This summer, a new season started, but I’ve been highly disappointed.  They’ve altered the show by trying to tell us about the personal lives of the contestants and by adding in some really weird events.  Look NBC, the show worked because of events like Powerball.  You  have people running into each other at full speed.  Knee ligaments were flying into the stands….that’s good fun!  These new events, like the one where you crawl around upside down on a track, are just weird.  And interviews, with the contestants? There’s no threat of bodily harm there…what’s my incentive to watch?

NBC dropped the ball on this new season…but ABC picked it up and ran with it.  ABC’s new show Wipeout is absolutely one of the best things that I’ve seen in a while.  They take the “Hey, I could do that” factor and then mix in a lot of the “bodily harm” that I love so much.  The results are beautiful.  I watched the re-airing of the original episode last night, and at one point I laughed so hard I woke up Ladybug.  Heck, Kelley even giggled a time or two.  (She’s going to claim that she was working on a scrap book, but don’t let her fool you!)

The show seems to be based on a wacky Japanese game show that was picked-up and run by Spike TV.  (Spike TV’s motto is “Guns, Sports, and Sex…in any combination.”) Of course, Spike TV dubbed over the original dialogue and provided some funny commentary.  Similarly, ABC has put John Henson in “the booth” to provide colorful and humorous commentary.

The premise is that contestants have to run through this incredibly hard obstacle course.  The obstacles are falling into water, falling into mud, getting punched into the mud, falling off of big rubber balls into water and finally, swinging into a wall…and falling into water.  Of course, if you were really good, none of these things would happen, but that isn’t near as much fun to watch.  It never fails to make me laugh when these people bounce around like rage dolls and plunge into the water.

Of course, ABC wanted to make sure that they provided ample entertainment.  So, they added more events based on knocking people down or watching them run full speed into stationary objects.  You’d have to be crazy to participate in something like this knowing that the entire nation is hoping you’ll fail.

I know what question your asking yourself and I don’t appreciate the implication.  The answer is Yes, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

*Photos “provided” by their respective broadcast stations.

I was reading some of the recent news of the NFL and I saw that Jared Lorenzen was released from the NY Giants.  This probably doesn’t mean much to any of you, but I’ve actually followed Jared’s career pretty close since he left the University of Kentucky.  My friend Fadi and I took a trip up to Kentucky when we were in college to spend the weekend with another friend, Seth.  While we were there, we watched UK play South Carolina.  I don’t know why, but since that game, I kept up with Lorenzen in the news.  Today’s news got me to thinking about some other brushes of fame that I have had.  Here are the ones that I can think of:

Tim Wansley

I’ve detailed before about how fortunate I was to play football.  Most of that was due the small size of my school and not the large amount of my talent.  My senior year we played the perennial powerhouse Buford High School.  I don’t remember the exact score, but they trounced us soundly.  On the field was this man among boys.

My recollection of Tim Wansley was one (of many) play where he lined up against me.  He was the receiver and I was the cornerback.  Now, I’m not as stupid as I seem.  I knew that Tim was fast and I knew that the ball would be coming to him on that play.  So, as soon as the ball was snapped, I turned and ran as fast as I could.  Within a split-second, Tim was waiting on me in the end zone with the football.  The sad thing is, I don’t think he even had to try on that play.

Tim went on to play for the University of Georgia and then helped the Tampa Bay Buccaneers win a Superbowl.  I’d like to think that letting him score that touchdown on me helped to boost his confidence and get him to that next level.  Tim is now listed as “inactive” with the Cleveland Browns.  That’s a coincidence…I’m listed as “inactive” in a lot of places.

Corey Smith

I actually went to high school with Corey.  He was a year ahead of me in my sister’s class.  I didn’t know him all that well, but I did have an art class with him.  But even better than that, my next-door neighbor shot him in the eye with a BB gun…how exciting is that?!

At any rate, I didn’t have a clue of anything about Corey until my high school’s 10 year reunion this past fall.  One of the guys told me “Dude, he’s huge.  Look him up on the internet.”  A few weeks later, I remembered our conversation, looked him up, and wouldn’t you know it, the boy is pickin’ guitar and having a good time doing it.  He developed a following among the UGA and college crowd and has grown from there.

While Corey will probably never admit it, I probably had a hand in his success.  By looking across the art room, he probably thought, “I hope I never turn out like that nerd.”  It was this inspiration that gave him reason to strive to accomplish his dreams.

So, those are my brushes with fame.  (Tim and Corey, there’s no need to thank me for my part in your success.  I would have done the same for anyone else.) What about you?  Where have you rubbed elbows with those who are living their 15 minutes?  And please, no stories about mistaking musicians for waiters and ordering them to get you a drink.  That story has been used a thousand times…