Shallow Thinker

There’s this guy I know who is a journalist. I keep wondering when he’s going to read my blog and come to the conclusion that I’m an insanely great writer, full of insight and sophistication. But just to make sure that he understands that I am versatile, I take a little time on occasion to work on my investigative journalism skills. Let’s see what this attempt has dug up.

Fresh off the presses from the latest trade magazine in the Orient comes these advertising beauties…

This ball holds a “realistic dolphin”. The ball is 1 and 3/8″ in diameter. How many dolphins have you seen that can fit into a tiny sphere?

These are little tools on a keychain…and the really work! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been working on a project and needed a hammer that is slightly over 2″ long. Oh, and that time my really tiny pipes burst, I could have really used that wrench.

I know I’ve been having some fun at these people’s expense, but you gotta be honest, this description is like they weren’t even trying. I imagine that it was close to 5:00 on a Friday afternoon when they got to this one. “Hey boss, should we claim something like ‘You can really ride these ponies’?” and the boss yells back “Nah, it’s too late to worry about outrageous claims…let’s just say that they look pretty.”

That’s all I have for this installment. If any newspapers out there would like to employ my keen journalism skills, you can get in touch with me on the contact me page. If you are a television station, then you’d not only get access to my keen journalism skills, but you’d be able to watch as I dazzle the screen like none other before. Think it over…let me know. I’ll keep looking through this magazine while I wait.

My little girls are an endless source of delight.  This morning, for instance, Ladybug wanted her daddy.  She did not want her mommy and she did not want to play on the floor, she wanted her daddy.  It made going to work tough, but it is a good feeling to know that she longs to spend time with her father.  And when I finally broke free, Butterfly demanded that  I receive her hug and kiss.  Without a second though I obliged and received a great big hug and a mid-waffle kiss.  The maple syrup dripped from my cheek as I closed the door behind me.

This evening, though, I think that I had one of my proudest moments as a father.  There we were, all sitting at the table enjoying a nice meal prepared by my wife.  Suddenly, an ominous, low, rumbling sound filled the room.  Ladybug looked up at me, grinned from ear to ear, and said “Poot!”

Now where do you think she learned such a thing?

I remember when CSI (the original one) first came on TV. I was enthralled. Science, mystery, graphic autopsies…what’s not to love? I remember thinking to myself that since the show was so good and had such amazing attention to the scientific details, there’s no way it would survive the ineptitude of the American public. But America proved me wrong and eventually it was I who parted ways with the show. It was still enjoyable, but my priorities waxed and waned and we had to say our goodbyes.

This past Thursday night, I was sitting down for a couple of minutes and decided to flip channels. There was CSI. Some cast member had changed, but several were the same. And then I noticed something odd…

Here these guys are processing a crime scene. It’s important to collect as much evidence as possible and to maintain its integrity. So, they wear latex gloves, have special liquids and glasses and lights and all kinds of other gizmos. Why is it that they do this with their shirts half-unbuttoned and their hair flapping in the wind? You’d think they’d need to at least wear a hair net or something…

The folks over at Google have a great sense of humor.  A portion of this is evident by some of the random things they do.  This year, they had an April Fool’s prank about e-mail.  Last year’s April Fools announcement involved using the sewer systems for internet access.  But I’ve discovered another funny…

Today, I was searching for a ballpark cost for commercial shipping scales.  (As in the big thing that you sit a big pallet on and it tells you how much it weighs.)  Usually, Froogle is a great place to get an idea how much stuff costs.  So, I did a search for “shipping scales” and I noticed a bit of humor on advertisement portion of the results:

Today’s post is just to let you know that I’ve finally started the page about things that I’ve read.  Head on over and give it a look…

Saying goodbye is never easy…but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be fun. We have a longstanding tradition at work that requires us to belittle, insult, and generally make fun of the person who is leaving. It’s not an easy task, but we do our best…well, actually, that’s not true. We probably only give it about 75%…unless they leave on a Friday, in which case we give about 20%, which is pretty good effort for a Friday. At any rate, the departing parties sometimes get custom songs, slideshows, and poetry. Heck, one lucky lady even got a calendar of some of our most out-of-shape guys wearing tight, sleeveless t-shirts. She cried…I guess she was really happy.

I came across this picture that was taken when someone left us this past fall. When he arrived on his last day, this is what his office looked like. Sure, we missed some spots, but like I said, we put just enough effort into it to get the point across and then we went back to surfing the internet.

The only thing worse than doing a bad impression….is doing it in a different language. For your viewing entertainment here’s a remake of “We are the World” by Japanese impersonators.

The concert last night was indeed amazing. Steven Curtis Chapman never fails to put on a great show. I’ve gone to a few concerts in my day and I usually enjoy them, but the two SCC ones that I’ve been to have left me thinking that it was well worth the money. But last night’s was cool for another couple of reasons, too…

First, my father-in-law and sister-in-law (Empress Katie) watched the girls so that we could enjoy the concert. (I think that the girls love their Aunt Katie.) But with their help, we were able to breathe for a moment and actually enjoy the music.

Second, our seats were awesome. The story is a bit convoluted about how I got such good seats so late in the game, but we were 10 rows back and I was dead center. I think that Steven had to consciously avoid making eye contact with me all night.

Third, Steven played had his sons playing with him at the concert. His oldest son, Caleb, opened the show and then did some back-up vocals and accompanying guitars the rest of the night. His youngest, Will Franklin, played the drums. Young Will was quite impressive, I might add. I told the wife during the concert that perhaps the only thing cooler than doing something like that with your kids would be siting back from a distance and watching them do it by themselves.

Finally - and this is the coolest part - Steven had a thing on his website where you coud request a song for them to play. Since this was the last night of this concert tour, the band and the stage hands were joking around a bit. But, my friend Rob had his song sung Steven even said that it was requested by “Rob”. He did several other songs, all were told who they were requested by…first name only, though. Then, the last fan-requested song of the last night of this entire tour was requested by….ME!! (That’s right. I told you that I was gonna ask Steven to play a song!) And not only that, but he told the entire audience that I had requested it. First and Last name! My wife was so excited…because the closest I’ll ever get to performing on stage is having a performer call my name…on stage. I’ll take it!

I’m reading the local paper today to see if there’s any mention of it, but I haven’t found it yet. I suspect the headline will be something like “Fan Requests Lead to Fun Times: Local Man Requests Best Song Ever” - I’ll post the article as soon as I find it.

I know that I take pride in having a good place to *cough* ahem….um…*cough* “sit and think“, but this lady must have had a La-Z-Boy for a pooper…

Lady Sat on Toilet for 2 Years

What will you be doing on Sunday evening? I’ll be jammin’ with my friend, Steve. That’s what I call him when we’re chatting….”Steve” or “Stevie” or sometimes “S-Man”.

Apparently you can request a song for him to play for this tour. So I requested “Baby Got Back” - I hope he plays it for us. Looks like the place will be packed:

…but why so many clocks?  And why aren’t any of them set to the same time?  I’ll ask the “Steve-Meister” about that next time he calls up…

I’ve documented it here before, but my wife enjoys the TV show Lost. (She got hooked on it because a dealer gave her a little bit and now she’s addicted.) I’ll openly admit that it is a very intriguing series and if you haven’t ever seen it, it’s worth borrowing the DVDs from a friend and taking the first season for a spin. While the show is well-written and very entertaining (drama, romance, comedy, suspense, etc.) the whole concept is a bit cumbersome to me. I feel like I have to devote 300% of my brain to each episode just so I can read the label on a can in the background because it provides some clue as to why Character A is wearing a belt which he/she will use to save him/herself from a random scenario that Character B already warned them about.

In the past weeks, I’ve had the opportunity to sit in the room while my wife has enjoyed the show. Granted, I’ve been doing work on my computer during the show, but I’ve been able to keep an eye on the screen and talk with my wife a bit as the scenes unfold. For instance, I explained who the scientist Faraday was and what he did and then unveiled a previously unpublished theory about advanced particle dynamics and the whole time-travel thing made sense to her.

So with my new insight into the show, no longer do I feel that the episodes are too cumbersome to watch….I have a new reason to not care.

There we were, watching the episode last night, and there is a discussion on screen about a mysterious character. So our discussion went something like this:

Wife: I wonder who it could be?
Me: I dunno
Wife: …it must be someone important because…
Me: Ah-Ha! It’s Locke’s dad
Wife: It can’t be! Locke’s dad is dead…
Me: …oh… (goes back to working on computer)

Silly me, how could I have suggested such a silly thing. A dead guy being involved in the plot of this story. That’s just crazy talk……hey, wait a minute…..we’re talking about a TV show where people TRAVEL BACK-AND-FORTH THROUGH TIME!! HEY, THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE EITHER, BUT IT’S STILL IN THE SHOW! And let’s not forget that it wouldn’t be the first time that a DEAD PERSON WAS IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT!!

And that’s when it hit me…the show constantly keeps people guessing because their minds are trying to establish some logical reason for the occurrences that they are shown. But the shows creators don’t even have logical occurrences, much less logical reasons. Now tell me again why I have to maintain rational theories for a show that likes to invent irrational things?

So I have decided that it no longer matters how absurd my theories are, they are probably equally as valid (if not more so) than some of the others out there. Now if you’ll pardon me, I’m going to go perfect my theory about how Jack is really Sayid’s cousin because his sister, Juliette, gave birth to Kate at a very young age. Sound crazy? WELL SO DOES TIME TRAVEL!!

By my senior year I’d managed to fill-out a bit more (I’m still #11). Ant truth be told, I wasn’t as small as I look in this picture. The guy standing behind me was actually the biggest guy on the team….honest. Seriously, stop laughing, I wasn’t the puniest guy on the team anymore. It’s the camera angle…

Because we were a relatively small school, I got to see a good amount of playing time. The fact that the team relied on me to fill a starting spot probably speaks volumes as to why we only won one game that year.

One cool thing of note is that #65 and the cheerleader in the middle are married. Well, actually, several people in the picture are married, but they are married to each other. Just think, if we all married our high school sweethearts….I’d still be single. I think girls were intimidated by how much I bulked-up. Look at me…I’m a monster.