Shallow Thinker

This semester is done.  At least, I think it is.  I’ll let you know the official word when the grades hit the books.  So, for my troubles, my wife has planned an end-of-semester/mother’s-day/my-30th-birthday getaway.  I’m beyond excited…

http://www.accessatlanta.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/08/spinal_tap_unplugged.html?cxntlid=sldr_hm

Spinal Tap was my first experience into the mockumentary world.  Christopher Guest and crew have churned out several others (A Mighty Wind, Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show, etc) and I love their comedy.  I’m excited about an awesome concert, a fabulous hotel, a good meal with friends, and some quality time with my wife.

It seems that everywhere I turn, people are being hampered from their work by bureaucracy…red tape, paperwork, management, reports, etc.  I remember when I first started working at my current job.  I was constantly looking for solutions to technical problems.  I drew, designed, analyzed.  It was the work that I had trained for in college.  Contrast that with the past three days.  On paper, I’ve officially checked two drawings.  30 minutes of work…tops.  What I’ve really been doing is filling out spreadsheets, updating schedules, identifying training, mapping processes, and all kinds of other stuff that doesn’t seem to help out at all.  It’s all part of the territory of managing projects, I suppose.

Over the past three years, I have been involved with the implementation of CMMI at my office.  If you’re unfamiliar with the term, you can read the long, boring wiki article that is linked.  Once you get to the point in the article that you don’t understand what it says, come back here and we’ll be on the same page.  The short explanation is that it’s a very document-heavy way of doing things.  Make a decision, document it.  Have a meeting to discuss the decision.  Document the meeting…..and on and on and on.  (You should clearly document and label all of those “on and ons”, as well)  I used to think that being a program manager was challenging because of the work required.  Now it’s just impossible because of the documentation that’s required.  And I’m not even doing it right!

I’m working on my Masters in Engineering and Technical Management.  (Think of it as an MBA for engineers.)  My original thinking was that this would be helpful in for my program management roles and eventually, if I ever move into management.  Now, I’m rethinking all of that.  I’m wondering if I can take courses that let me go back to when I was dumb and happy.  I’m also wondering if managers get paid so much not because of what they know, but because the money is the only reason that anyone would do their job.

The video posted below is for my friend Fadi…and anyone that knows him.

‘Warcraft’ Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing ‘Warcraft’

I know what you’ve been thinking about the past couple of days.  You’re trying to figure out how to create the perfect mix of holiday pastries with electronic gifts.  I know, it’s tough, isn’t it?  You can’t eat a danish and then rush to play that new game because it will get all sticky.  You can’t put an LCD screen into a pie because it just wouldn’t taste all that good.

Wait a minute….what if, through some magical “cookie cutting” process you could make cookies in the shape of a Tivo?! YOU CAN! And the cutter is free….but you’d better hurry.

http://www.tivo.com/whatistivo/cookiecutter/index.html

I’m not very good with the guitar.  I know a lot of people who are much better than I am….but that doesn’t stop me from playing when I get a chance.  I am fortunate to have a wife that not only sings beautifully, but indulges my acoustic needs.

Last week, Kelley was asked to sing and was forced into using me as the background noise.  For those of you who are interested, I’ve attempted to upload the mp3 so that you can listen to it.  Here’s Kelley singing Remember Your Chains from Steven Curtis Chapman’s album Heaven in the Real World.  No reverb, retouching, or digital mastering.  Just a recording straight from a church soundboard.

Remember Your Chains (click it to hear it)

Should any representatives of Steven Curtis Chapman come across this page, I humbly request that you update your website with contact information.  The usage agreement on songs says to use the “contact page” to obtain permission, but there’s no link on the site, I couldn’t pull it up by fishing for the web page, and all of my e-mails came back as undeliverable.  So….um….I hope you’re not mad at me or anything.  If you are mad, I hereby volunteer to jam with Mr. Chapman.  I hope he can hang with me, though.

At the beginning of this year, I got hooked on a TV show that was a blast from the 80’s.  On this blog, I documented how much I enjoyed American Gladiators.  I think that a part of the draw is that people sitting at home think “hey, I could do that!”…well, that and the fact that people are getting pummeled.

Unfortunately, as winter ended, so did the season of Gladiators.  This summer, a new season started, but I’ve been highly disappointed.  They’ve altered the show by trying to tell us about the personal lives of the contestants and by adding in some really weird events.  Look NBC, the show worked because of events like Powerball.  You  have people running into each other at full speed.  Knee ligaments were flying into the stands….that’s good fun!  These new events, like the one where you crawl around upside down on a track, are just weird.  And interviews, with the contestants? There’s no threat of bodily harm there…what’s my incentive to watch?

NBC dropped the ball on this new season…but ABC picked it up and ran with it.  ABC’s new show Wipeout is absolutely one of the best things that I’ve seen in a while.  They take the “Hey, I could do that” factor and then mix in a lot of the “bodily harm” that I love so much.  The results are beautiful.  I watched the re-airing of the original episode last night, and at one point I laughed so hard I woke up Ladybug.  Heck, Kelley even giggled a time or two.  (She’s going to claim that she was working on a scrap book, but don’t let her fool you!)

The show seems to be based on a wacky Japanese game show that was picked-up and run by Spike TV.  (Spike TV’s motto is “Guns, Sports, and Sex…in any combination.”) Of course, Spike TV dubbed over the original dialogue and provided some funny commentary.  Similarly, ABC has put John Henson in “the booth” to provide colorful and humorous commentary.

The premise is that contestants have to run through this incredibly hard obstacle course.  The obstacles are falling into water, falling into mud, getting punched into the mud, falling off of big rubber balls into water and finally, swinging into a wall…and falling into water.  Of course, if you were really good, none of these things would happen, but that isn’t near as much fun to watch.  It never fails to make me laugh when these people bounce around like rage dolls and plunge into the water.

Of course, ABC wanted to make sure that they provided ample entertainment.  So, they added more events based on knocking people down or watching them run full speed into stationary objects.  You’d have to be crazy to participate in something like this knowing that the entire nation is hoping you’ll fail.

I know what question your asking yourself and I don’t appreciate the implication.  The answer is Yes, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

*Photos “provided” by their respective broadcast stations.

I was reading some of the recent news of the NFL and I saw that Jared Lorenzen was released from the NY Giants.  This probably doesn’t mean much to any of you, but I’ve actually followed Jared’s career pretty close since he left the University of Kentucky.  My friend Fadi and I took a trip up to Kentucky when we were in college to spend the weekend with another friend, Seth.  While we were there, we watched UK play South Carolina.  I don’t know why, but since that game, I kept up with Lorenzen in the news.  Today’s news got me to thinking about some other brushes of fame that I have had.  Here are the ones that I can think of:

Tim Wansley

I’ve detailed before about how fortunate I was to play football.  Most of that was due the small size of my school and not the large amount of my talent.  My senior year we played the perennial powerhouse Buford High School.  I don’t remember the exact score, but they trounced us soundly.  On the field was this man among boys.

My recollection of Tim Wansley was one (of many) play where he lined up against me.  He was the receiver and I was the cornerback.  Now, I’m not as stupid as I seem.  I knew that Tim was fast and I knew that the ball would be coming to him on that play.  So, as soon as the ball was snapped, I turned and ran as fast as I could.  Within a split-second, Tim was waiting on me in the end zone with the football.  The sad thing is, I don’t think he even had to try on that play.

Tim went on to play for the University of Georgia and then helped the Tampa Bay Buccaneers win a Superbowl.  I’d like to think that letting him score that touchdown on me helped to boost his confidence and get him to that next level.  Tim is now listed as “inactive” with the Cleveland Browns.  That’s a coincidence…I’m listed as “inactive” in a lot of places.

Corey Smith

I actually went to high school with Corey.  He was a year ahead of me in my sister’s class.  I didn’t know him all that well, but I did have an art class with him.  But even better than that, my next-door neighbor shot him in the eye with a BB gun…how exciting is that?!

At any rate, I didn’t have a clue of anything about Corey until my high school’s 10 year reunion this past fall.  One of the guys told me “Dude, he’s huge.  Look him up on the internet.”  A few weeks later, I remembered our conversation, looked him up, and wouldn’t you know it, the boy is pickin’ guitar and having a good time doing it.  He developed a following among the UGA and college crowd and has grown from there.

While Corey will probably never admit it, I probably had a hand in his success.  By looking across the art room, he probably thought, “I hope I never turn out like that nerd.”  It was this inspiration that gave him reason to strive to accomplish his dreams.

So, those are my brushes with fame.  (Tim and Corey, there’s no need to thank me for my part in your success.  I would have done the same for anyone else.) What about you?  Where have you rubbed elbows with those who are living their 15 minutes?  And please, no stories about mistaking musicians for waiters and ordering them to get you a drink.  That story has been used a thousand times…

Last night I had the opportunity to hang out with some friends from work.  We started off with some amazingly unhealthy food.  I prepared my standard Ro-Tel and Sausage Cheese Dip.  Gary made tater tots and Texas toast.  Becca brought the Nintendo Wii and Brian grilled samon wrapped in bacon.  (Yes, it sounds weird, but it was good.)

We started playing this game called “Boom Blox“.  If I tried to describe it to you, it would sound nerdy and boring and could in no way express to you how much fun it was.  (So, I’ll just try to describe it to you instead.  That way you’ll only think that it’s boring and nerdy…and you’ll have no idea how much fun it really is.)  The game was developed by Steven Spielberg (same one) and is loosely based on the game jenga.  There are other nuances and rules for the different types of games that you can play, but it combines hand-eye coordination with basic physics.  So…yeah, I guess you’re right, it is a nerdy game.  BUT, we did play the game in “Party” mode, so by definition, we were having a party…right?

At any rate, now I have an even more compelling desire to convince Kelley that we need a Wii.  My bullet points of “kids” and “health reasons” haven’t panned out so well.  I think this one will help me with the “educational tool” aspect.  Think she’ll buy it?

Sometimes you look around and realize how much of an old fuddy-dud you’re becoming. I had this revelation Saturday night. It wasn’t anything as ludicrous as bird watching, but it was close. Kelley and I had put the girls to bed and were settling down to just relax. We couldn’t decide on a movie to watch or a game to play, so I started rifling through our vast DVD collection. After eliminating the Harry Potter and Johnny Depp movies, we were left with 4 selections. The only one we hadn’t seen yet was March of the Penguins. So what does an old couple do on Saturday night? They watch it….and they like it. This movie is simply a narrated view at the mating season of the penguins. You’d think that this would be boring…and it probably is, but that didn’t stop us from enjoying it.

First, the whole thing is narrated by Morgan Freeman. I listened intently to every word in hopes that he’d slip in some line about Andy Dufresne. He didn’t. It would have been cool if he did, though.

Next, these things are hilarious. I knew about their silly little waddle, but I had no idea that they had a funny honk, too. Who knew that Pingu was so well based on fact?! (he’s starting to make a comeback, by the way.) At any rate, whoever thinks that God doesn’t have a sense of humor has clearly never watched penguins. Of course, Kelley and I spent most of the movie adding in our own dialogue for what the penguins were saying to each other. We’re cool like that.

And finally, we got a little education. There’s a lot about penguins that we didn’t know. Morgan did a great job of informing us. When he plays a character, you just don’t get the sense that he’s well educated on the movements of non-flight birds. He’ll surprise you.

To summarize the movie, these birds slowly waddle over 70 miles and congregate into a huge group. There they mingle with lots of other penguins until they find just the right mate…which is easy to do when everyone looks the exact same. Then they go through this elaborate courtship, birthing, and chick-raising process that involves more long walks and a lot of missed meals. The parents lose a lot of sleep and a lot of weight caring for their chicks. They only survive the elements by huddling together.

Wait a minute, that stuff doesn’t sound amusing at all. It sounds like college and parenthood. I think maybe Morgan Freeman has pulled one over on us.

My wife has recently turned into an old retired lady. She can be carrying a handful of fragile, valuable items and all I have to do is say “Is that a double-breasted, swallow-tailed, red-hooded, flight finch?” and she’ll immediately drop what she’s carrying to run to look out the window…usually with binoculars and reference book in hand.

I’ll admit, it’s a bit relaxing to be able to watch the birds enjoy a meal while we enjoy ours. Last Sunday afternoon, Butterfly giggled when I told her that the male and female cardinal were eating their after-church lunch just like we were. Bird Church…who comes up with this stuff?

We recently decided to move the feeders. Apparently, a hungry squirrel realized that he could utilize these seeds to meet his nutritional requirements. All he had to do was climb a nearby tree, jump the 50 feet to the feeder, balance upon the teetering house, and viola! A meal fit for a king…finch. (I will allow the Queen to interject in the comments section to tell you all if there is a such thing as a King Finch and what it’s feeding habits are.)

The logical thing to do would be to move the feeder where the squirrel couldn’t get to it. But we’re not logical people. We moved it to where squirrel doesn’t have to try very hard. The new location also has the benefit of allowing Butterfly to watch all of the feeders from her seat at the table. Unfortunately, I think this squirrel is afraid that we made it too easy for him, so he’s a bit timid in his quest now. The photographs below show how the little rascal finds his meal. You’ll have to look really hard to find him in the last one (click for larger pictures), but don’t worry…he’s hiding in there somewhere. He’s like the James Bond of furry-tailed rodents.

My friends who are in the Air Force should appreciate this news clip that I found - Especially DruU. This picture is published by the US Air Force and was reprinted in a local newspaper. (Click the picture for the full-size version). The photograph details the state of care taken by maintenance personnel to keep our high-precision, military aircraft fully operational. If you can’t read the text, the caption says:

Tech Sgt. Somebody observes as Tech Sgt. SomebodyElse carefully lowers the main landing gear strut on a KC-135 Stratotanker to full extension using a 11.5 pound dead blow hammer…

For those of you who are not familiar with maintenance, if you’re using a sledge hammer, the word “carefully” is probably not the best descriptor available.

According to surveys that haven’t come out yet and that I won’t read, a lot of Americans probably tuned-in to see the season finale of Lost which aired last night. It answered some questions and managed to raise even more. I, however, refuse to watch again until they explain a couple of things to me.

1. Why does Kate always turn her back on people she shouldn’t trust. 15 times out of 10 she manages to get herself captured, knocked-out, or have her gun taken away from her. I’m beginning to think that they would have been rescued weeks ago if it weren’t for her.
2. “the others” seemed to be living a relatively normal life….right? So when everyone merged and mingled, why didn’t Jack find someone to wash his shirt for him. You just know he’s got to be stinking by now.
3. Why did Smokey-the-monster all of a sudden become friendly with the Losties? In the first few episodes, he was eating captains and sending people running all through the jungle. Now these people traipse around the island like they own the place. I think when the show comes to a close, we’ll realize that smokey just needed a good belly rub…and I’ll bet that Locke was the man who did it.

At any rate, there was the season finale in all it’s glory. I, however, am a firm believer that this type of entertainment is cheap and ridiculous. I will not have my emotions drawn out from week-to-week as these writers toy with my mind. No sir! I demand instant gratification. None of this “plot line development” or “character depth.”

I found the perfect show. It’s basically a bunch of stand-up comics, which is good because these guys are trying to keep you laughing constantly. But they’ve gotten a way to streamline it even more…

Usually a comic has to keep you laughing, so he/she caters to the ADD within the crowd. But on this show, they only have about 7 or 8 seconds to impress the judges, so now they have to go into ULTRA-ADD mode and throw out a lot of stupid jokes in a very small amount of time. Even when they go into their “long” segments, the producers only show about 30 seconds of it. That’s the way I like it.

So, while my wife was stretching her brain and trying to figure out this incredibly tough puzzle, I was sitting in an adjoining room enjoying a bunch of cheap laughs. Does marriage get any better than this? I submit that it’s nearly impossible to top this relationship.