Shallow Thinker

It’s interesting some of the things that you can store away in your brain.  My wife always looks at me weird when I spout out a proverb that fits into a discussion.  We’ll be talking about decisions and I’ll say “fish or cut bait”.  She’ll look at me and say “what?!”  It’s not my fault, really.  I blame Ms. Schwartz, my high school English teacher (all 4 years…plus 8th grade, too)  Every Friday was devoted to cramming in a bunch of stuff that required memorization.  Mythology, Proverbs, Idioms, vocabulary.  I liked it because it was kind of like story time…and I didn’t have to diagram any sentences.

So here I am, 16 years after the first time I walked into her class.  I was thinking about this past weekend and one of her phrases came to mind “comme il faut.”  (I always thought it was Latin, but the Googles tells me that it’s French.)  The phrase is roughly translated “as it should be” or “fitting.”  Allow me to explain:

Saturday morning  I woke up with a mission.  I needed to do some work on the house and I figured that I’d better get started first thing before the sun heated the roof up to 750 degrees (F or C - take your pick).  I walked outside and this amazingly cool breeze rushed through the air.  Some people would classify this as the beginning of fall.  My muscles tightened just a little because my bones could feel it…I could smell it…football weather.

After playing on the roof (and surprising myself at how well my project turned out), we piddled around with some music and then had lunch.  Kelley sprinted off to watch a movie, and I spent the next couple of hours entertaining my two biggest fans.  That evening, we went to visit Rickie and Sheri again.  The girls love the pool, but they really love Mr. Rickie and Ms. Sheri.  We were able to enjoy supper with them and play with some of their plastic fruit.  Sure, they have toys, but plastic grapes are hours of fun.  Mr. Rickie has made so much of an impression, that Ladybug will now run up to him with open arms when he’s approaching.  I got to sit back and watch her pick him out of the crowd on Sunday afternoon and run to play with him.  He didn’t seem to mind occupying her.

Sunday afternoon, I got to spend some alone time with Butterfly as she “helped” me set-up some sound equipment at our church.  While I was untangling cords and finding music stands, she sang into the microphone and played the piano for me.  After about an hour I was done, but Butterfly insisted that I play my guitar “like rock and roll” so that she could dance.  I obliged and then we headed home.  The only detour was to stop and get Butterfly her slushie…a treat that she spent more time playing with than eating.

So many little things were crammed into the weekend, but it was one of those that just hangs in the air…like the smell of popcorn drifting onto the gridiron on a cool friday evening.  Coming in to work this morning was a little tougher than normal.  I got an extra kiss from Ladybug and hugged Butterfly just a little tighter.  Weekends like this aren’t anything extraordinary.  It’s just plain ‘ole living…the way it should be.

Ladybug is a fast learner.  One of her favorite things to do is sing her favorite songs as she toddles through the house or rides in the car seat.  The words aren’t always perfect, but the mumble is distinct enough for us to figure out what she’s singing.  For instance, we’re regularly treated to the alphabet song that starts “Ay Bee See Dee Eff Eff Shee…”

Bedtime with Ladybug is my responsibility.  I don’t know how we came to this arrangement, but Kelley usually handles Butterfly with all of her lotions, book readings, and endless songs.  Each night, I take Ladybug and we begin our ritual.  Here’s how it goes

• we pick out a book, read the first three lines, Ladybug tires of book and squirms around to get down and get another
• repeat previous step a few times
• we find Elmo, turn off main light, and sit in rocking chair
• I sing a few favorites.  usually “bing back” (my bonnie lies over the ocean) and “ABC”
• I softly quieten down and rock Ladybug…she should be drifting off to sleep now
  
• Ladybug choose to have an impromptu anatomy lesson.  She points out my nose, beard, and mouth.  Then she says “tun”, and sticks her tongue out for me to see.  She grins because she knows I’m going to laugh at her.
• Now it’s time for Ladybug to sing.  She usually starts with “ABC” but usually mixes in “twinkle twinkle” with it just to make sure she gets enough in.
• The evening always ends with her own edition of “Happy Birthday to You”  In her case, almost all emphasis is removed from “happy birthday” and placed on “to you”.  In a low, barely audible voice, she sings “hap-pur” and then as loud as possible, belts out “CHOO YOO“.  over, and over, and over
• Eventually, the song dissolves from mumbles to grunts and then fades away altogether as Ladybug drifts off to sleep.

The bedtime ritual takes entirely too long, and I’m probably not doing her any favors by acclamating her to being rocked to sleep each night.  But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  Each night, I look forward to learning where my nose is located and then being sung my repetitious birthday greeting.

I’m not very good with the guitar.  I know a lot of people who are much better than I am….but that doesn’t stop me from playing when I get a chance.  I am fortunate to have a wife that not only sings beautifully, but indulges my acoustic needs.

Last week, Kelley was asked to sing and was forced into using me as the background noise.  For those of you who are interested, I’ve attempted to upload the mp3 so that you can listen to it.  Here’s Kelley singing Remember Your Chains from Steven Curtis Chapman’s album Heaven in the Real World.  No reverb, retouching, or digital mastering.  Just a recording straight from a church soundboard.

Remember Your Chains (click it to hear it)

Should any representatives of Steven Curtis Chapman come across this page, I humbly request that you update your website with contact information.  The usage agreement on songs says to use the “contact page” to obtain permission, but there’s no link on the site, I couldn’t pull it up by fishing for the web page, and all of my e-mails came back as undeliverable.  So….um….I hope you’re not mad at me or anything.  If you are mad, I hereby volunteer to jam with Mr. Chapman.  I hope he can hang with me, though.

Sunday afternoons are a wonderful opportunity to be lazy. After a nice, warm lunch prepared by the loving folks at Zaxby’s, we headed to the house for some rest. Ladybug eventually drifted off to sleep while cuddling her milk cup. Kelley seized the opportunity to close her eyes for a few minutes. So that left Butterfly and me to occupy ourselves. Usually, the afternoon is “rest time” which involves a movie on the TV, a parent trying to drift off to sleep in the background, and Butterfly pouncing around on the couch pillows like a flea at….um….a place where fleas like to bounce. Since I knew she’d have all this energy, I asked her if she wanted to help me paint my car and this almost-four-year-old jumped at the chance. I gathered up the supplies and we prepared to make our mark on our vehicles.

For my birthday, Kelley got me this little science kit with balloon-powered cars. The intent wasn’t to purchase me a toy so much as it was to buy me some time with Butterfly. Boy, what a time we had. Apparently, painting plastic is a lot of fun. More importantly, though, painting your fingers is even more fun! Butterfly did an amazing job on her car. I think that she went for the “mosaic” look. Mine is just kind of plain-Jane. (no offense to any fun-loving Janes out there)

While we were painting, Butterfly told me “Daddy, mine is the most beautiful spaceship car ever!” And then, I think she felt a bit sorry for my poor attempt at art. So she added “But don’t worry, yours is too!” So here they are, folks, the most beautiful spaceship car ever and the other most beautiful spaceship car ever.

Yes, the wheels are missing on the front of Butterfly’s car.  It actually works a little better that way.

Yesterday was our anniverssary.  Last night was supposed to be our date night.  I put Ladybug to bed while Kelley handled Butterfly.  After mine was asleep, I snuck out to get us a nice dinner from Carrabbas.  After returning home, we both relaxed to enjoy the wonderful food and some good conversation.

That lasted all of 10 minutes.  Ladybug woke-up and was not happy.  Now’s decision time.  Do we let her “cry it out” in hopes that she’ll get herself back to sleep, or do we try to get her to calm back down quickly so that she can get back to sleep?  It’s always a tough decision…and I always make the wrong choice.

I marched upstairs, leaving behind the ever-so-tasty Pollo Rosa Maria, rescued Ladybug from the confines of her crib and rocked her back to sleep.  She woke up as I was doing the “transition” into the crib.  More crying.  More rocking.  More sleeping.  Another bad transition. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

After a while, I gave up, put her in her crib and went back downstairs, tagged Kelley, and finished my meal.  After I was done, Kelley marched down the stairs with the echo on an unhappy Ladybug still ringing through the house.  This time, daddy couldn’t make her happy, so I took her downstairs.  The girl was WIRED.  I don’t know what Kelley feeds these girls when I’m not home, but 17 cups of sugar is not appropriate for a 16-month old kid.  She ran across the downstairs, said hello to the dark, moved toys around, read books (a page at a time in between the other things), and just had a blast.

Finally, around 10:30, signs of fatigue started showing.  It may have been because of all of the activity.  Most likely, it was because of the Benadryl that I gave her.  (Official Product Slogan:  It might work on allergies.  We don’t know because we’ve never used it for that.)  After a few more books, and demanding to hold a stuffed monkey, she drifted back off to sleep.

So our “date night” was spent trying to console a kid who really just wanted to run around the house and act like a loon.  I wonder where she gets that from…

Today is a day for celebration!  It was 7 years ago today that Kelley decided against her better judgement and married me anyhow.  It’s a day that she’s probably regretted more than she’s appreciated, but I’m very happy that she’s stubborn enough to stick with me.  I think she just likes me for my boyish good looks.  See, look how young I look as we gaze off into the corner of the picture…

I’ll never be able to adequately describe how awesome my wife is and how much she means to me and to our girls.  It’s been an amazing journey that started with a beautiful girl praising God with her beautiful voice on a stage at Mercer University.  It seems only fitting that we completed out 7th year with Kelley on a different stage, praising her creator through song once again…a gift that she has passed on to both of her girls.

Vacation Bible School is in full swing at the Z.  This means that Kelley spends the evenings getting to know 4th & 5th graders while Butterfly and her friends are spoiled at the feet of our friend the Sweet Southern Belle.  The past two nights, Butterfly has come swinging in the door excitedly telling me about her activities, songs, stories, snacks, and even telling about her teacher.  (She told Kelley that her teacher was really good and must have taken teaching lessons.)

Since the event lasts until 8:30, it would mean getting home around 9:00…much too late for Ladybug.  So, I keep her with me and we waste the evenings away eating ice cream and flopping on pillows.  On Sunday night, I thought it would be a good idea to take Ladybug shopping with me.  She usually enjoys walking around the stores and eating things off the dirty floors.

Apparently, Kohl’s doesn’t have a large Sunday night crowd, so the nearly-empty store must have invited Ladybug to express herself.  Almost immediately after we walked in the door, she began running and yelling.  I chased her past t-shirts, pants, bras, suits, and into the shoe department.  It was at this point that she decided to point to each and every shoe and call them by name.  “shoe……shoe…..shoe……shoe….shoe…..”  I’m pretty sure that she found them all.

A few times in the store, people commented on Ladybug and mentioned how cute she is or how pretty her eyes are.  I gave a smile, said my thanks, and continued escorting her to pull more things off of shelves.  But some people saw her and didn’t say anything at all.  How could they do that?  Do they not realize how adorable my kid is?  Maybe deep down inside, they’re just jealous that their kid isn’t as cute as mine.  More likely, though, they take a look at me and assume that she’s not mine.  At any rate, next time you see us running through Kohl’s, do the polite thing.  Tell us how adorable we are.

This past weekend, we visited with my parents in the greater, downtown, metropolitan-area of Jefferson, GA.  As we pulled into the driveway, first things I saw were the blueberry bushes.  When I was a young lad, I would occasionally be tasked with plucking these small fruits the bushes.  A task that I loathed.  I could spend weeks on end picking berries only to find that I was still on the first bush and only filled up a thimble.  And to be honest, I didn’t even like the things all that much.  My wife and girls could sit down and eat them like candy.  I’d much more prefer to get a hold of a beef jerky tree.

This past weekend, the bushes were bursting forth with ripe berries.  (Well, there were some not-yet-ripe ones on there, too, but that doesn’t sound as poetic, so we’ll just ignore that fact.)  On Thursday, after we finished supper, my mom took the girls outside to pick some berries.  Butterfly thoroughly enjoyed herself.  She reached for every ripe berry she could find, even climbing into the bush for some that we couldn’t/wouldn’t reach.  Ladybug preferred to simply hold/squish a few in her hands as she toddled around the yard.

The scene was perfect.  My mom, wife, and two daughters were enjoying themselves finding these little treasures and placing them into the baskets.  After some contemplation, I decided that I was simply an ignorant youth many years ago.  I started picking blueberries to make the family participation complete.  What was once a burden would soon become a source of joy.

About 45 seconds later, I decided that I was really brilliant in my younger years and that picking blueberries is a tedious, unending, pointless venture that I would only wish on those who I despise the most.  Oh, the torture was unbearable.  I quickly claimed that Ladybug was tired and needed to play inside before bedtime, scooped her up, and removed her from the viciousness that was going on in the name of “harvesting”.

The only redeeming quality of the blueberry picking experience is blueberry cobbler.  (Of course, my mom had a fresh cobbler baking when we arrived.)  I’ve decided that we do not need a blueberry bush at our house.  What we need is a bybrid plant that combines a wheat stalk, sugar cane, and blueberries.  That’s right, it’s a blueberry cobbler bush.  You’d wait until the hottest day of the summer and let the sun “bake” the cobbler to a nice golden brown, and then eat it right off the bush.  Once I figure out how to combine that with an ice cream plant, I’ll stop working and just live off the land.

First, thanks to all of you who sent birthday greetings. To those of you who didn’t, there’s still time to send your cash in before I unleash my wrath.

My birthday weekend was pretty good. Friday started off slow with me having to go to work, but I did have the highlight of getting a phone call in which Butterfly sang “Happy Birthday” to me at the top of her lungs. When I got home, we had a small celebration after supper which included an apple-pie like dessert topped with ice cream.  I opened up the cards from family (I still need to call the grandparents…thanks for reminding me) that had arrived in the mail earlier in the week.  Kelley loves to open her cards as soon as they arrive.  I prefer to wait until the last thing on my birthday.  It’s more fun that way because it annoys Kelley.

My wife always gets me thoughtful gifts and this year was no exception.  For instance, I received a balloon-powered car that requires Butterfly and I to spend some time putting it together.  That’s a quality gift because it comes with quality time.  I also received a book from Butterfly.  She narrated a story which Kelley diligently wrote across several sheets of paper.  Buttefly then painted beautiful pictures to accompany each scene.  I would scan in the pictures and share them with you, but they’re mine and you can’t have them.  (Also, I’m too lazy to do it)

Saturday brought some fun sitting in the kidde pool with the girls, a nap, and an evening with friends.  Sunday had church, a peanut-butter dessert, and a cook-out with some other friends.  Across the whole weekend, I got to spoil and be loved by all three of my girls.  As I look back, I don’t think there’s anything at all that would have made the weekend any better.  I just hope that as I get old, I can remember how lucky and blessed I am.  I also want to remember where I put my pants, but that’s not really important until I need to leave the office.

6:24 AM - I wake-up.  Odd….I don’t hear either of the girls.  I get up, use the bathroom and return to bed.  I convince myself to close my eyes and rest.  Kelley continues her slumber.

6:35 AM - This is extremely out of the ordinary.  Butterfly hasn’t fluttered into our room, nor has ladybug called for us over the monitor.  I’ll give it a few more minutes.  My body is in such a routine, though.  I glance over at Kelley…still fast asleep.

6:40 AM - Now I’m starting to get concerned.  One of the kids should be awake by now.  We’ve never slept this late in the morning.  My mind goes over all of the possible scenarios.  I look over at Kelley because she must be as concerned as I am.  Her mothering instincts are alerting her to this weird sensation, but she manages to sleep on.  She’s a brave woman, I tell you.

6:45 AM - I’m now in the midst of a dilemma.  Should I check on the girls and make sure they’re OK?  If they are OK, then my checking on them would just wake them up and reinforce their need to arise early.  Not good.  If I don’t check on them, then how will I know their fate?  What if they’re tangled-up in their covers and can’t get out?  This would not only scare Butterfly, but would mean that Ladybug has learned how to get out of the crib and find some covers to get trapped in.  This is a very imminent danger.  Kelley manages to calm her own fears by lying very still with her eyes closed and breathing very slowly.  I don’t know how she has the strength.

6:48 AM - Butterfly comes pouncing into our room showing off the shoes that she put on all by herself.  Ladybug makes a little grunt over the intercom.  We sound the “all clear”…crisis averted.  I swoop up little Butterfly and take her downstairs for breakfast.  Ladybug will doze on and off for a few more minutes before beckoning us.  These few minutes of high-stress have clearly taken a toll on the family.  Kelley decides that it is best if she rolls over and tries to catch-up on the sleep she missed during this ordeal.  Rest-up, my dear, tomorrow is another day…

My oldest child will be four years old in the fall. Unfortunately, she surpassed my reasoning abilities long ago. Now she is as crafty as her mother when it comes to getting me to do things that I don’t want to do. Here’s the way tonight’s events took place. (I’ve gone ahead and included entirely too much detail for you. You’re welcome.)

The girls have been sick for the better part of a week. We’ve been constantly wiping noses and administering medications. This afternoon, Ladybug awoke from her nap inconsolable…which is very rare for her. So we knew something was wrong. We loaded the girls up, dropped Butterfly off at our emergency babysitters (Rickie and Sheri ROCK!), and headed to the after hours doctor. An hour and a half later, we were all back in the van headed to the store. Butterfly was clearly feeling much better than she had all week. She sang for her sister and kept Ladybug at ease. Almost at the pharmacy, I apprised everyone of the agenda for the evening. First, drop-off the prescription, then drop-off Kelley and Ladybug at the house, Butterfly and I would then get the medicine and procure supper for the family. Everyone clear?

“Daddy, wait! I have a great idea! Why don’t you and Ladybug go home and Me and mommy go to the waffle house. ONE POINT!”

One point? Kelley indicated that she’s wasn’t sure what was going on either. Seems like Butterfly is playing some kind of game…

“Butterfly, you and me are going to go to Moe’s to get some food for everybody. You can ride with me and eat chips on the way back.”

That one is a winner, works every time. The girl loves eating chips on the way home.

“No, Daddy. We need to all eat some waffles and some eggs. TWO POINTS!”

Two points?! Wait a minute…what kind of game are we playing? How come I don’t have any points? I’m down by two points already! I thought the chip thing would definitely help me out.  There’s only one way to get to the bottom of this.

“Who told you about keeping points?”

“I don’t know, but Ladybug wants to eat a waffle, too. THREE POINTS!”

“Listen, Butterfly, it’s probably not a good night to go to the…”

“Let’s see, we have one, two, three four, FIVE POINTS! Let’s go to the WAFFLE HOUSE!”

FIVE!! How in the world did I give up two more points?! I don’t have a clue what game were playing, but within two minutes, I managed to give up five points and score none of my own.

An hour later, we walked out of the local Waffle House with our bellies full and a happy little Butterfly. Sometimes I don’t know how she manages to talk me into things. But, if losing the game requires me to eat some hashbrowns and a waffle, I don’t think I mind too much. If only I could get some type of greasy meal each time Kelley talks me into something…but that type of statement won’t score me any points.

* photos provided by Flickr. Scoring system provided by Butterfly.

July 4th always brings out the party animal in us all.  Our crew managed to find the energy to swim for 30 minutes and then eat a meal with some family.  They served 4 different kinds of meat…I was happy.  But, eventually, night fell upon us and I took Ladybug back to the house to go to sleep.  Soon after, Kelley brought Butterfly to greet the sandman.  By 8:30, which is late for us, the girls were fast asleep.

Oh, but it’s July 4th, so we need some fireworks.  Not to worry…some people nearby supplied those.  Until around midnight.  Ladybug woke up once and needed consolation.  Butterfly slept through the pops and crackles.  As I laid there looking at the clock, I decided that the people performing the celebration probably weren’t very bright.  Then I realized that maybe I’m just an old fuddy-dud who doesn’t enjoy a good celebration when I hear it.  It’s really tough to tell, sometimes.

At any rate, the holiday was spent with my family, and I enjoyed it thoroughly.  As July 5th comes and goes, so will the memories of the parades, the bands, and the yummy foods.  Hopefully, long after the memory of drunken revelers fades away, I’ll still remember to pay tribute to those who have battled to give us the freedom that we have.  While I fumed about the crackle of fireworks, I should have been thankful that it wasn’t gunfire from rebels, or a wake-up call from a corrupt government militia.  I am blessed and honored to live where I do and the way I do.  Thanks to all of you who have made that possible.