Shallow Thinker

I am currently in week 8 of the 13 week P90X series.  I haven’t done everything I’m supposed to.  Heck, I haven’t even done most of what the program calls for.  I have neglected the cardiovascular portions of the program, as well as the yoga and the stretching stuff.  I have been pretty faithful to the strength training portions, though.  I could give you a scientific reason for why, but it all comes down to the fact that it’s tough to do the plyometrics video without either (1) waking my family up from all of the jumping or (2) looking like a complete idiot at the gym because of all of the jumping.  (I prefer to look like an idiot at the gym for other reasons.)

At any rate, the first day that I did the program, there were pull-ups involved.  Lots and lots of pull-ups.  Well, there is supposed to be a lot of pull-ups.  I did 2.  I ended up having to use the weight machine in place of the pull-ups so that I could do the same exercise, but with lighter weight.

This week is a “recovery week” in the program, so I’ve used it to get speeding tickets and have a floor installed in the kitchen.  But, I did go by the gym today for a light workout.  I decided to grab the pull-up bar and see if I could squeak out 3 or 4.  I managed to get a set of 9.  I followed that later in the workout with a set of 8.  How’s that for improvement?!

Of course, I’m still nowhere near the guys on the workout video.  They’re cranking out 2 sets of 4 different pull-up styles with 20+ in each set.  (I’ll do the math for you.  For one workout, that’s roughly a bazillion pull-ups.)  There’s only one way that I’ll ever get that many pull-ups at once:

Today marks the end of the weight-loss challenge at work.  I’ve chronicled most of the details in the previous fitness reports.  (Report #4, Report #3, Report #2, Report #1).  The final result this morning was a total loss of 15.8 pounds.  Of course, I should offer a disclaimer that I used some old high school techniques to temporarily drop some weight for the purposes of the weigh-in.  So, realistically, I’ve probably dropped about 10 pounds total since the program started 10 weeks ago.

When I started this initiative, I wanted to be down around 170-172 pounds.  For the past 3 weeks, I’ve consistently been below 172 and even dipped as low as 168.  I seemed to recall blogging about some numbers from our health fair last year, so I went back and pulled them up.  11 months ago, my weight was 185 and my body fat % was 18.9.  Now, I’m at 170 and the body fat percentage seems to be hovering between 15-16%.  Overall, I’m pleased with my results….so far.

This is me before the challenge (left) and after (right)

Now, I intend to change directions.  My goal is to slowly put some of the weight back on, but to do it as muscle.  To do this, I’ll need to slightly increase the number of calories that I take in each day, but I’ll need to make them protein.  This bodes well for me because I can handle protein all day long.  Peanut butter, eggs, cottage cheese…..yeah, I can put a hurtin’ on some proteins!

For strength training, I’ll be doing the P90X workout program.  It’s a 12 week program and I’m currently on week 4.  I won’t be able to do absolutely everything that is required, but I’ll at least do the primary strength training days and mix in some cardio when I can’t do the other days.  In the case of days that they do Yoga, I’ll run because I just don’t do yoga.  It requires balance and patience, neither of which I possess.

For the weight loss, I set a goal and met it.  For muscle building, I imagine that a goal will be helpful.  So, instead of a numerical goal, I’m going to set a visual goal.  I want to be ripped.  Huge arms, chiseled legs, impressive pecs, shoulders that can’t fit through the door.  Ripped.

Take a good look at me now because the next time you see me, my muscles might just be ripping through my shirt.  Or, maybe the shirt is just old.  Either way, there will probably be a hole in it.  Now move out of my way.  I gotta go eat some peanut butter eggs with cottage cheese and lentils on top.

No, not that kind of change.  I’m not interested in the economy or our country.  No, I’m far more interested in something bigger than those.  Me.

The fitness regimen has been good.  I’ve lost 8 pounds since I slightly elevated my dedication to my physical well being.  And, the bonus is that some of my pants actually have some extra room in the waist.    So now, if I need to pull up my socks, I can just reach my hand down through my pants to do it.  How cool is that?!

My focus thus far has been on cardiovascular workouts and eating healthier.  The cardio workouts did a great job of helping me burn the calories and drop the weight.  The eating healthier part was pretty easy because eating worse wasn’t really possible.  But I’ve become resolved in the fact that eating healthy, in the true sense of the term, is not going to happen for me.  I’m willing to make some changes, but there comes a point where I say “You know what….yes, I do want fries with that!”  And I’ll just run an extra lap to account for it.  It’s not the healthiest way to be, but I don’t want to set the bar too high for those around me.

Now that I’m hovering near my target weight (I’m consistently around 171), I’m ready to add my 8 pounds back on, but with muscle.  Lots and lots of muscle. I’ll still need to make sure that I’m burning my excess, so I’m probably going to keep the cardio portion twice a week.  For the other workouts, I’m going to move to some type of strength training.  In theory, the gym at my house is opening a branch within a mile of my office, so that appears to be an option.  The only problem is that they have to open first….still waiting on that one.  The other option is to take on the latest fitness sensation P90X.  If I go with the P90X, a DVD based system, I probably won’t have the time to do it in the manner it is intended.  There’s a specific regimen of what days work from which DVDs and things like that.  I’ll have some skip days here and there, so my 11-12 week program could easily stretch out to 15-20 weeks.  In addition, I want to keep running, so I’ll have to research and try to figure that out.

Realistically, I’m just trying to get some results without buying into any hype.  Every fitness thing out there claims super results.  The key is to keep changing-up the pattern so that the body doesn’t get too efficient at any one exercise.  Got a recommendation?

"before" and "after" images are from the Associated Press

It seems that modern science is always a step ahead of modern medicine.  Over the past 5 years, the use of “performance enhancing” drugs in sports has been investigated thoroughly in almost every professional sport.  What I gather from everything is that the latest drug on the market can’t be identified by current testing procedures.  That seems to be the case no matter when you take the snapshot.

So, recently, there has been a lot of talk about who has used drugs to increase their competitive advantage and who has not.  We’re starting to hear more names of big stars that cheated the system.  Now there’s another one to add to the list:

I’m using steroids.  Yes, you read that right.  This physique isn’t all natural.  It started out innocently enough.  I went to my doctor for my yearly physical, we discussed how to better get in shape and improve my quality of life.  And then he wrote me a prescription.  I didn’t question it because the man’s a doctor.  Surely this must be OK….right?

After the order was filled and I’d been using the medicine for a while, I actually did a little research.  It turns out that my nasal spray for my allergies is actually a steroid.  I’d noticed some warning signs.  At the office, people would compliment me on how muscular my nose was getting, but I thought it was because I’ve been working out more often.  Then the mood swings started to happen.  One hour I’d be perfectly fine and the next, I’d be sound asleep.  And the worst part of it all….geez, I can’t believe I’m going to admit this…the worst part is that my sense of smell was enhanced beyond normal.  I used to walk outside and not be able to smell anything at all.  Now, it’s all different.  I smell all of the things around me, the good and the bad.

I know it’s wrong to use the drugs, but I can’t stop.  If i stop now, and my nose returns to normal, everyone will know what I’ve been doing.  I feel so cheap, so dirty.  Wait…..is that popcorn I smell down the hall?  Hold on, I’ll be back.

Forgive me readers, I have eaten.  It has been two weeks since my last fitness report.  Here’s the damage for an entire month of being on “the program” -

I’ve dropped a total of about 7 pounds.  Statistically speaking, if I continue working at this pace I will cease to exist two years from now.  Impressive, isn’t it?

Since we’re doing the weight-loss competition at work, I’ll probably keep doing my current regimen for the remaining 5 weeks, just to see if my partner and I can win a prize.  Once that is over, I plan to drop down to cardio twice a week and increase the weight training to 2-3 times a week.  That will make me not only trim, but should also make me ridiculously muscular.  Well, more so than I already am.  I’m willing to risk my shirt ripping because my biceps are so big.  I’ll not work my legs too much because ripping my pants would be embarassing.

This is the Official Shallow Thinker Fitness Report (OSTFR): Volume 3.  If you’d like to catch-up on things, here’s Volume 1 and Volume 2.  Go ahead and read them now.  I’ll wait here.

Up to speed now?  Here are the results.  If you wonder why there are two lines, the short answer is that I’m a nerd.  The long answer is below -

The blue line is my daily weigh-in.  For consistancy, I weigh in every morning at the same time, wearing the same thing.  This removes some of the variation.  Realistically, though, there is still a lot of “noise” in the process.  Not only will my weight fluctuate from day-to-day, but the scale has variation in its process.  For instance, I can step on the scale 10 times in a row and get a few different readings.  Most likely, they’ll be close together, but there’s still some variation.  So, in order to filter out some of that variation and to see if there are any real trends in the data, I put in the red line.  It’s basically a rolling average of the previous 3 days.  This helps to smooth out some of those peaks and valleys and lets me get a realistic view of where I’m headed.

I think on of the problems for people who are weighing-in constantly is that they don’t understand how easily weight fluctuates.  My day 6, for instance, looks horrible and could have easily given me a reason to quit.  A week’s worth of work and no improvement.  When I understand that there’s variation in the process and I look at the trends as a whole, it’s much more encouraging.

So, the summary of OSTFR #3 is that I’ve lost 4 pounds.  I think that really, I’ve lost 10 pounds, but I put 6 more pound of muscle because I am ripped.  A beefcake.  Ladies, better take a number now because there will soon be a line around the block.  (and they’ll all have restraining orders)

The scales arrived and I’ve weighed myself several times to get an accurate average.  Here are my official starting points.

Weight        - 179 lb
Fat %          - 18.4%
Muscle %    - 62.5%
Water %     - 57%
Bone Mass   -7.0

The goal here is to bring the weight down around 170-172, decrease the fat% and increase the muscle %.  I don’t know what the water % means and I figure my bones should remain constant.

After posting my resolution, my work place announced a contest for teams to lose weight.  (It’s officially called the “2009 Spring Couples Challenge” but that doesn’t sond manly enough to put on my blog.  I’ll just leave it out.) The only requirement for the contest was that each participant’s BMI had to be over 25.  Weighing in with my work clothes, I topped 187 and had a BMI enough to join.  With my resolution in place, a contest at hand, and a friend at work willing to help me out, here’s what I’m doing….as of right now.

Running - Mondays and Wednesdays during lunch are devoted to a run.  We’re shooting for 5k per run.

Fit Club - Tuesdays and Thursdays during lunch are spent in a “cross-training” class which mixes cardio with light strength training.  Thus far, Brian and I are the only guys in there.  The ladies must be thrilled with my leotards.

Dog Walks - Each morning…well, most mornings…I take the dogs for a brisk walk.  We only go about a mile because of my time constraints, but they seem to enjoy it and it gets my blood pumping for about 15-20 minutes.  Not to mention, the 26 degree weather wakes me up pretty good.

Eating - I’m still eating.

Int 2 weeks, when I weigh-in for the work competition, I’ll post an update.  Brian and I have decided to be bold and guarantee a top 4 finish.  I just hope the other participants don’t get demotivated and quit when we magically turn into muscle men.

One week after posting my resolution, it’s time to post the first Official Shallow Thinker Fitness Report (OSTFR).  Can I get a drumroll please……

No, I need it to be a good drumroll.  Not just your fingers on the desk.  Someone find a snare drum.

Alright.  After one whole week of an intense fitness regime, my weight and fat % numbers are in the ranges below:

So, the good news is that I’ve ordered my scales (shown in the picture) to help me track my progress.  The bad news is that they haven’t arrived yet.  Unfortunately, I can’t tell you if I’ve lost weight or become a rare example of human conditioning.  Well, I can tell you for sure about the latter of those two, but the former can’t be determined.  On the plus side, there is no  any evidence that I’ve gained weight, either.  YAY!

I’ll have to consult with Kelley, but I think that we need to celebrate a week of not gaining weight (and you can’t prove that I have - HAHA!).  I’m thinking a Chinese Buffet might be a bit over the top.  Maybe KFC is a good trade-off.  It’s healthy because it’s chicken.

The votes have been cast (both of them), I’ve consulted my advisers (ESPN & XBOX 360), and I’ve charted my course.  I’m ready to submit my official release of Shallow Thinker’s 2009 New Year Resolution (C).  Yes, you read that right, I’ve only got one resolution this year.  To Kelley, you need nights away independent of a New Year.  You deserve those own your own merit.  Actually, you deserve a night to yourself, but I’m lazy man-scum, so you’ll have to drag me along as well.  To Alana, good suggestion and it is considered as a portion of my actual resolution.

This year, I make the leap from my 20’s to my 30’s.  I will leave behind the youthful ways and join the ranks of adulthood.  To join those ranks in a fashion that I deem appropriate, I make this resolution…with some slight clarifications.

I hereby resolve that when I turn 30 in July, I will be at my target weight…which I think is 172.  I’m currently at 185.

• I might work-out so much that I lose the flab and gain muscle but still weigh 185.  That is acceptable - though unrealistic.
• I will need to buy some scales so that I can weigh myself.  That would be a helpful step.
• Also helpful would be identifying my true target weight.
• I should minimize my intake of bad breakfasts.  I’ve heard that chicken biscuits aren’t the best choice you can make.  I know, surprising, right?
• I should probably start to eat breakfast regularly.  It’s a long, boring story that ends with me not eating breakfast much.
• I should reduce my consumption of meat.  Given the rate at which restaurants are reducing portion sizes, that might prove much easier than intended.
• I should probably reduce my attendance at restaurants.  This one is tough.
• Working-out more often is a good idea.
• Involving cardio in the workout will also be helpful.

So there’s my resolution with my helpful hints to myself.  185 now, lets assume that I need to lose 15 pounds.  My keen mathematical skills indicate that I should lose 2.5 pounds per month…or convert 2.5 pounds of fat to muscle.  Once I get my scales, I’ll post my weekly/monthly/wheneverly weigh-ins so that you can laugh at me as I actually put more weight on - I’m looking forward to it!

The truth is often painful.  I’m getting older.  My metabolism and my driving are fighting to see which can be slower.  My weight and small pains are battling to see which can increase the fastest.  I don’t obsess over these things (at least I don’t think I do…do I?) but if I have some free time, I try to go to the gym to help reverse the “shape shifting” process.  I don’t stay all night, usually an hour is more than enough time to sit on a machine and watch other people workout around me.  I go on average about 4 times a week ensuring that I rest on a different machine each time.  I want all of my muscles to not exercise equally.

Last night I took the opportunity to visit the gym.  I was in the middle of seeing how little weight I could do on an exercise and I noticed that the staff was giving a young couple a tour.  Ah, that’s sweet…they’re going to start exercising together.  [Side Note: You know this was the girl's idea.  If the woman suggests that the couple begin to exercise, the couple ends up at the gym.  If the man suggests that they exercise, they end up working on a divorce settlement.]  Eventually, the staff member lets the budding lovebirds have their run of the gym to try it out and see if they like it.  This was a good night to do it because there weren’t many people around.

I was continuing my sets of chair sits when the young man approached me.  He asked, “Excuse me, do you workout here a lot?“ I looked around to see who he was talking to.  Odd, no one else is around.  I looked in the mirror real quick…nope, still no muscles.  Poor guy, he must be visually impared.  I quickly decided that I should help this poor boy.  Is turns out that he was looking for a way to workout his lower back.   I showed him the various places and positions where he could sit to rest his back.  Afterall, resting is just as good as exercising*.  He thanked me for my time and went about his business.  It felt good to help someone.  I wonder if I should do it more often.

*quote is attributed to JPLand.  All rights reserved.  All royalties and payments expected in cash.

So I don’t have the bulging biceps, tantalizing triceps, or quasi-….um…quadratic quadriceps….no….um……Ah, you know what I’m getting at. So I don’t have the muscles that I’ve been working towards. The obvious question is “Why not?” Here are some excuses that I’ve been working on:

• My shirts are too small and prevent them from growing.
• I don’t want others around me to be intimidated.
• Oh, they’re big…it’s just the lighting in this room that makes them look small.
• Why are you so vain to be stuck on that?

Well, apparently, I’ve been barking up the wrong tree. Researcher’s say that genetics may be holding me back. In fact, no matter how hard I try, I may not have the genetic coding that is required to build muscle mass. The really important thing, however, is not how big your muscles are, but how healthy they are. Go on, have a look at the article.

So, there you have it. My muscles may not be big, but they’re healthy! I wonder how far else I can apply this type of thinking to… Sorry, honey, the garbage may not be outside, but it is smelly. Sorry, boss, my work may not be good, but it’s colorful. My car may not be fast, but it rolls downhill very well. My lawn may not be green, but it’s happy.

*The photograph on this post may have been altered slightly to enhance the “health” of my muscles.

Here are the results from the health fair. I will try to do better next year:

Total Cholesterol - 145
“Less than 200 is ‘Desirable’ and puts you at a lower risk for heart disease.” I probably still need to go to a doctor and get the different levels checked (such as LDL, HDL and CDL, which are on the DL), but either way, these results will probably make my wife mad because it’s not bad at all considering all the crap I eat. Now there’s not basis for her to fuss at me for it.

Blood Pressure - 122/68
The sheet says that the top number should be below 120 and the bottom number below 80. Since I was only 2 over on the top and I was 12 under on that bottom, it averages out to 7 under. That’s how cholesterol works….right?

Glucose - 80
Before meals, the value should be between 80-120. I was hoping that my Mountain Dew for breakfast would boost me on up there in the ratings, but sorry, 80 is as good as I could do.

BMI (Body Mass Index) - 26 (5′11″ and 185 lb)
Values between 25.0-29.9 are classified as “overweight”. That’s good because all my life I have fought to be above average and now, I can finally say that I’ve achieved my goal. Realistically, though, this calculation does not account for muscle mass. So, like my friend Lones said, I’m putting on a lot of muscle. I should stop working on the biceps because these things are getting massive.

Body Fat Percentage - 18.9%
There was no information provided on the sheet about this, so I’m left to assume that any number here is acceptable. Then I thought better of it and found a little more information. The chart below says that I’m “acceptable”. Odd, that is the opposite of what my wife says about some of the things that I do in public. The chart does, however, crush my hopes of being an athlete.

So here’s the really important question: What if I reduce my body fat down to 17.5%. It’s above the range for “fitness” but below the range for “acceptable.” It looks like I have found the twilight zone of health and conditioning. Maybe within this realm, I’m always the 17th caller and win the tickets to crappy concerts…or maybe the traffic lights all turn green…perhaps they don’t charge me for extra sour cream at Moe’s. I need to start working out more…these are things that I need in my life.