Shallow Thinker

It’s been a while since I’ve reported my health statistics, so I figure I’m due for a confession.  At the start of my health initiative, January of this year, I had these numbers -

Weight        - 179 lb
Fat %          - 18.4% (33 pounds)
Muscle %    - 62.5% (112 pounds)

Around May, once I bounced back from the weight-loss competition, my statistics hovered in this range:

Weight        - 172 lb
Fat %          - 16.5% (28 pounds)
Muscle %    - 61% (105 pounds)

So, essentially, I lost some of the fat, but I also lost some of the muscle, too.

Over the past 4-5 months, I have worked-out on a more consistent basis than ever before.  My weakness has been with cardio, but I’ve still managed to run about twice a week.  Unfortunately, I have drifted away from the focused eating habits.  My intent has been to intake more protein for making muscle.  (Boy have I put a hurting on some peanut butter.)  At any rate, here are the statistics:

Weight        - 184 lb
Fat %          - 20.0% (37 pounds)
Muscle %    - 63% (116 pounds)

Wow…is that right?  I actually have more fat on my body now that I did before I started?  Wait a minute…something’s fishy here.  For the first drop, I lost 7 pounds muscle and 5 pounds of fat for a total loss of….7 pounds?  Then, when I gained weight back, I gained 11 pounds of muscle and 9 pounds of fat for a total gain of…12 pounds.

You know, I’m just going to go out on a limb here and say that the scales that I have aren’t 100% accurate.  It’s just a guess, but I think I might be on to something.

Realistically, I think I’m doing OK.  I have not yet reached my goal of “massive,” but I’m getting there.  Actually, I’d bet that most people wouldn’t notice much of a change in my physique, but I can tell that I’ve gotten a bit stronger and a bit more definition in my muscles.  Just the other day I was able to open a jar of pickles all by myself!  Granted, I’ve probably added some unnecessary weight, too.  Kelley has already fired a warning shot across the bow to let me know that I still need to watch the calories that I take in.  But, as a broad overview, I’ve put on about 5 pounds in the last 9 months and I’m pretty comfortable with how I’ve done it.  I would post some before and after pictures, but I don’t want anyone to make fun of my pasty-white skin.

An anonymous source in my office has requested that I join him in a sprint triathlon. For those who aren’t aware, here are the requirements for said event:

Swim - 750 m (0.47 mi)
Bike - 20 km (12.4 mi)
Run - 5 km (3.1 mi)

So, other than the fact that I don’t have a bicycle, tight shorts, goggles, a cool swimmy hat, special shoes or adequate training…is this a good idea?

Photo from user ERM72 on Flickr - Note the goggles, caps, and other swimming stuff. I have mesh shorts.

Which is the better choice for an afternoon drink:

1. A soft drink (coke would have probably been chosen)
2. 1/2 gallon of chocolate milk (a gallon was on sale for $1.99!)

My wife refused to choose one and simply said “I worry about you, John.”

This July, I will leave behind my wild, carousing 20’s and enter the more responsible, calming 30’s.  On the eleventh, life changes from being spontaneous and care-free to structured and full of discussions about retirement  funds and political concepts.  In preparation for this, I made a resolution to get into shape.  For the most part, I’ve stayed on track.  Kelley has also been very supportive of the changes I’ve made in my daily schedule.  Of course, she’s probably about tired of all the changes.  We’re still “tweaking” the routine on a regular basis to find what works best.

I though you might be interested in a little more of the “why” instead of the “what”.  And let’s be honest, if you’re a regular reader of this blog, you probably don’t have much else to do, so you might as well read on.

So this was my thought process.  In my 30’s, I will watch my girls grow from small children into young ladies.  My career will most likely become cemented along a particular path.  The habits that I have formed going in will dictate what the person I am coming out.  By the time I finish my 30’s, I’m probably more likely to say “who cares” about my health than I am to say “let’s pump some iron.”  So, my theory was that this is my last chance to make a major change in my lifestyle.  This is the time to make my stand.

Well, that was my theory.  Yesterday, my boss came into my office and we discussed several topics, eventually covering working out.  He told me about how sore he is from his new routine that includes running and lifting.  His decision to start getting back into shape was explained to me as “You know, I turn 40 this year.  If I’m going to make a change, now’s my last chance to do it.”

Sorry, guys, it looks like I started my fitness routine about 10 years too early.  I think I’ll hit a couple of Mountain Dews followed by a buffet for lunch.  See you guys in a decade when it really matters.

Are you ready?  Maybe I am.  Maybe I’m not.  Here’s my history with the Run4Missions 5k.

2006
My first “official” 5K in several years.  Actually, I think it was my first 5K in a decade.  That includes official, unofficial, amateur, and imaginary.  I jogged a little leading up to the race.  The night before, I loaded up on carbs by eating a Chili’s with my family and the Fenimore clan.  My official time was 25:43.  I finished first in my age group.  I won a trophy.  But the most important detail is that I rocked the headband.

2007
I decided that it was time to get some work done.  I ran at least three or four times leading up to this race.  I was rewarded by dropping over a minute from my time and finished at 24:22.  The downside is that someone brought in some ringers and I didn’t finish in the top three in my age group.  You’ll note from the photos that I also shifted from a headband to a hat.  I did this because I didn’t want my opponents to see my eyes.  It’s kind of like playing poker.  If they could see my eyes, then they’d know which direction I was running.  This was a strategy to always keep them guessing.

2008
Um….well….um….you see.  There was this cake that was sitting all alone.  And my wife made me eat it.  Seriously, I would have set a course record in ‘08 because I trained for at least 2 days leading up to the event, but I was forced to eat this cake.  And then I had to watch a show.  And not just any show, but one where people act like animals.  It was crazy!  I can only hope that the race did not fall apart without me.

2009
The race will be on May 3 at 8:00 AM.  Rain or Shine.  I warn you…I have my game face on.  Well, I guess it’s really my “run” face.  You know, it’s the one where I look pained and out of breath.  Yeah, that one.  I trained for most of February and a couple of days into March.  I was busy in April, though.  At least my body will be rested for the event.  But either way, I’m going all out and I’m bringing home a trophy!  Think I’m lying?  Think I’ll puke my guts up before I cross the finish line?  Well you’re probably right on both accounts, but either way, I’ll be running.

Want in on the action?  No problem, there’s still plenty of time to sign-up.  But what if you live too far away and can’t make it for the race?  No problem there, either.  You can sign-up for just the T-shirt.  That way everyone thinks that you ran, but you never have to exert the effort.  Heck, if you throw in an extra $5, I’ll photoshop some pictures to make it look like you were there.  There’s only one question remaining…Are you brave enough to rock the headband?

I’ve been trying to be good, but this is the last straw!  I’ve read, researched, and even modified some habits.  One of the major changes was to have fruit for snack in the morning and again in the afternoon.  This is supposed to keep me from the candy bars, chips, bear claws, twinkies, and other blessed things.

Photo from Flickr.com

Today, I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business when I decided it was time to eat my apple.  I’m not a fan of the peel, so I peeled it, sliced it, and then began to savor it for all of the chocolaty goodness that it did not have.  Lo and Behold, what’s my reward?  A piece of this thing stuck in my teeth.  (I should probably mention that I can not stand to have things in my teeth.  I mostly avoid popcorn for this very reason.)  But this little fella wasn’t just one of those things that you pick out.  Nay, it was perfectly sized.  Big enough to feel and wreak havoc on my delicate gums, but too small to fish out.  I looked around, but knew I wouldn’t find any toothpicks.  I tried a gem clip, but it was too thick…no luck.  The battle raged on for hours (or at least 15 seconds) until exhausted, the piece came from its hiding spot.

This never happened with a Twix.

[UPDATE: It appears as though lance beat me to posting this link.  But since I've already gone through the work of putting up, I'll leave it here and give credit to lance for linking to it first.]

I don’t recall exactly when I first heard the phrase “food porn” but I recall the first time that I read it in print was when Hardee’s introduced their Monster Burgers to the world.  The intent of the phrase is to indicate that some food is gratuitously fattening for no reason other than the sake of boasting of calories and fat grams.

I got an e-mail this morning with the following link.  It’s food porn.  Instead of labeling it NSFW (not safe for work) I’ll label it NSFDBTA (not safe for dieters, but totally awesome.)

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

I honestly laughed at this because I know of 4-5 people that would take a road trip with me to go try each of these out.

It seems that everywhere I turn, people are being hampered from their work by bureaucracy…red tape, paperwork, management, reports, etc.  I remember when I first started working at my current job.  I was constantly looking for solutions to technical problems.  I drew, designed, analyzed.  It was the work that I had trained for in college.  Contrast that with the past three days.  On paper, I’ve officially checked two drawings.  30 minutes of work…tops.  What I’ve really been doing is filling out spreadsheets, updating schedules, identifying training, mapping processes, and all kinds of other stuff that doesn’t seem to help out at all.  It’s all part of the territory of managing projects, I suppose.

Over the past three years, I have been involved with the implementation of CMMI at my office.  If you’re unfamiliar with the term, you can read the long, boring wiki article that is linked.  Once you get to the point in the article that you don’t understand what it says, come back here and we’ll be on the same page.  The short explanation is that it’s a very document-heavy way of doing things.  Make a decision, document it.  Have a meeting to discuss the decision.  Document the meeting…..and on and on and on.  (You should clearly document and label all of those “on and ons”, as well)  I used to think that being a program manager was challenging because of the work required.  Now it’s just impossible because of the documentation that’s required.  And I’m not even doing it right!

I’m working on my Masters in Engineering and Technical Management.  (Think of it as an MBA for engineers.)  My original thinking was that this would be helpful in for my program management roles and eventually, if I ever move into management.  Now, I’m rethinking all of that.  I’m wondering if I can take courses that let me go back to when I was dumb and happy.  I’m also wondering if managers get paid so much not because of what they know, but because the money is the only reason that anyone would do their job.

The scales arrived and I’ve weighed myself several times to get an accurate average.  Here are my official starting points.

Weight        - 179 lb
Fat %          - 18.4%
Muscle %    - 62.5%
Water %     - 57%
Bone Mass   -7.0

The goal here is to bring the weight down around 170-172, decrease the fat% and increase the muscle %.  I don’t know what the water % means and I figure my bones should remain constant.

After posting my resolution, my work place announced a contest for teams to lose weight.  (It’s officially called the “2009 Spring Couples Challenge” but that doesn’t sond manly enough to put on my blog.  I’ll just leave it out.) The only requirement for the contest was that each participant’s BMI had to be over 25.  Weighing in with my work clothes, I topped 187 and had a BMI enough to join.  With my resolution in place, a contest at hand, and a friend at work willing to help me out, here’s what I’m doing….as of right now.

Running - Mondays and Wednesdays during lunch are devoted to a run.  We’re shooting for 5k per run.

Fit Club - Tuesdays and Thursdays during lunch are spent in a “cross-training” class which mixes cardio with light strength training.  Thus far, Brian and I are the only guys in there.  The ladies must be thrilled with my leotards.

Dog Walks - Each morning…well, most mornings…I take the dogs for a brisk walk.  We only go about a mile because of my time constraints, but they seem to enjoy it and it gets my blood pumping for about 15-20 minutes.  Not to mention, the 26 degree weather wakes me up pretty good.

Eating - I’m still eating.

Int 2 weeks, when I weigh-in for the work competition, I’ll post an update.  Brian and I have decided to be bold and guarantee a top 4 finish.  I just hope the other participants don’t get demotivated and quit when we magically turn into muscle men.

The votes have been cast (both of them), I’ve consulted my advisers (ESPN & XBOX 360), and I’ve charted my course.  I’m ready to submit my official release of Shallow Thinker’s 2009 New Year Resolution (C).  Yes, you read that right, I’ve only got one resolution this year.  To Kelley, you need nights away independent of a New Year.  You deserve those own your own merit.  Actually, you deserve a night to yourself, but I’m lazy man-scum, so you’ll have to drag me along as well.  To Alana, good suggestion and it is considered as a portion of my actual resolution.

This year, I make the leap from my 20’s to my 30’s.  I will leave behind the youthful ways and join the ranks of adulthood.  To join those ranks in a fashion that I deem appropriate, I make this resolution…with some slight clarifications.

I hereby resolve that when I turn 30 in July, I will be at my target weight…which I think is 172.  I’m currently at 185.

• I might work-out so much that I lose the flab and gain muscle but still weigh 185.  That is acceptable - though unrealistic.
• I will need to buy some scales so that I can weigh myself.  That would be a helpful step.
• Also helpful would be identifying my true target weight.
• I should minimize my intake of bad breakfasts.  I’ve heard that chicken biscuits aren’t the best choice you can make.  I know, surprising, right?
• I should probably start to eat breakfast regularly.  It’s a long, boring story that ends with me not eating breakfast much.
• I should reduce my consumption of meat.  Given the rate at which restaurants are reducing portion sizes, that might prove much easier than intended.
• I should probably reduce my attendance at restaurants.  This one is tough.
• Working-out more often is a good idea.
• Involving cardio in the workout will also be helpful.

So there’s my resolution with my helpful hints to myself.  185 now, lets assume that I need to lose 15 pounds.  My keen mathematical skills indicate that I should lose 2.5 pounds per month…or convert 2.5 pounds of fat to muscle.  Once I get my scales, I’ll post my weekly/monthly/wheneverly weigh-ins so that you can laugh at me as I actually put more weight on - I’m looking forward to it!

The doctor wants me to lose a few pounds.  I currently weigh 182, most of which is in my biceps and my massive pectorals.  (Sorry ladies, no pictures.  I don’t want any jealous husbands to deal with.)  I just happen to turn 30 in July.  (*cough*mark your calendars*cough*)  So, I’m thinking that I’m going to set myself a goal to hit my target weight (170) by my 30th birthday (*cough*send cash*cough*).

A wise person would note that I am going to set a goal and not that I have set a goal.  (you had to go back and catch it, didn’t you?)  So why not set the goal now?  simple.  If I set the goal now, then anything I do in the next couple of weeks will be detrimental to that target.  However, if I set the goal for after the new year, I can splurge for the rest of the holidays and then hit it.  As an added bonus, the goal is automatically turned into a New Year’s resolution.  And we all know how often those fail.  So, if I fail, it’s not my fault…it’s the design of the system!  This is brilliant!

So what’s so important about this week that I need to wait?  It’s Food Week 2008.  This is one of the most brilliant ideas in the history of mankind.  All week, people in my department bring food and put it in an empty office.  We all rotate and participate so that at any given time, there are cookies, meats, dips, drinks, or delectable combination of any of those.  This morning, I walked into the office and smelled sausage gravy.  Tomorrow promises pigs-in-a-blanket.  I expect to see chili and ro-tel dip later in the week.

Boy am I glad that I’m not on a diet this week!  One of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

I’ve been avoiding going to the doctor because I wasn’t very keen on my GP (general practitioner, for those of you who aren’t up on the medical lingo.)  A friend recommended a new guy, so I paid him a visit when I had my yearly cough.  He seemed nice enough and actually seemed to find the root cause of the cough (allergies) so that hopefully we can avoid it in future years.  Since this was a relatively pleasant encounter, I had myself a new doctor.

Yesterday, I bit the bullet and went in for my once-a-decade physical.  There was some listening, poking, head-turning, and coughing…all the types of things that make a physical enjoyable.  They also took some blood to check my cholesterol, liver functions, and a bunch of other stuff that I just nodded about hoping that it would make it seem like I knew what they were talking about.

After all of the inspection, the doctor told me that I seem to be in good health…”although”, he said…”although, you probably have about 5 to 10 extra pounds around the midsection that you could get rid of.”  (Insert inappropriate joke here: _____________)

Whoah, Doc, let’s talk about this.  Are you sure you have the right chart in front of you?  Maybe you were blinded by my rippling pectorals or my bulging biceps.  Maybe your glasses are foggy.  Oh, you’re not wearing glasses?  And I don’t have rippling pecs?  Well, if we’re going to completely honest with each other, your hair is tacky and your eyes are too close together.  See how it feels?

Like any good doctor, he recommended some ways to help me out.  Most of the suggestions made my wife happy because they gave her ammunition to continue hammering me about my eating habits.  One, though, had to do with my exercise routine.  His suggested that I spend 20-30 minutes doing cardiovascular exercise first thing at the gym and then do my weight training.  So, last night, I decided to give it a try.  30 minutes on the elliptical trainer and then about 30 minutes pumping some iron (using my rippling pecs, of course).  When I was completely exhausted, I stepped on the scales and…….nothing.  Absolutely nothing!  This cardio stuff is exhausting and I have nothing to show for it.

I wonder if his doctor’s degree is even real.