Shallow Thinker

I worked out Monday night and last night.  I would pat myself on the back, but my boobs are too sore.  Yes, I said “boobs” - it will drive up the website traffic!  I’m assuming that no one wants to see pictures, though.

Editor’s Note: I’ll be the first to admit that I’m cynical.  One of my friends phrased it nicely when she said that my true talent in life is to “point out absurdities in absolutely everything.”  So yes, I’m a bad person, and I’m aware of that…but that has never stopped me before.

Why in the world do church’s put up those “cute” sayings on their signs?  For instance “God answers knee-mail”.  Is the intent to bring people into the church based on the cleverness of the pun?  I want to know how many people have been driving down the road, looked over at one of these signs and said “Oh my goodness, what wit and charm!  I shall attend here on Sunday morning at 10:00 for Sunday School, 11:00 for Worship Service and again at 7:00 for Evening Services.”

Aren’t these signs really “inside” jokes.  If you’re in the church, you get it.  If you’re not, then it’s not going to impact you.  To me, it’s kind of like a bunch of computer programmers inviting people to learn the benefits of programming, but sending out the invitations in C++.  If the invitation doesn’t make much sense, why would I attend?

Maybe we should do something completely crazy and attract people into churches by our actions instead of our silly puns.  NAh, that won’t work.  Let’s stick with “knee-mail”…that’ll bring ‘em in by the thousands.

In this pas election, some voters declared Barak Obama to be the antichrist.  This is categorically untrue.  Google is the antichrist.  Someday, I’ll devote a post to help give ammunition to my theory.  Until then, here’s just another example of how Google is slowly taking over the world:

http://www.google.org/flutrends/

See what I mean?  They know a lot more about you than you think.  Think I’m wrong?  Google it and see what you find.

I snapped the following picture while on a rare mid-day date with my wife this morning.  We were waiting to be seated at the Cracker Barrell and I noticed this sign:

Let’s suppose for a moment that I am a Spanish-reading customer.  I would like to order my food from a menu printed in Spanish.  Excellent! The top portion of this sign utilizes Spanish to inform me that a menu is available.  But why….why in the world is there an English interpretation under it?  If I need a Spanish menu to read, then I can figure out the Spanish portion of the sign.  If I don’t understand Spanish, then the English translation simply informs me that there’s a menu that I won’t understand, either.  Is that English translation really necessary?

And why in the heck is the part of the sign that informs you about large print written with the smallest print of all?  It’s a good thing they make such good biscuits at this place or I’d protest their stupidity by not buying their over-priced gifts and trinkets.

I think I’ve decided on my #1 favorite fast-food lunch.

Chick-Fil-A #1 (modified):

Photo is compliments of Flickr. Thanks, Flickr, for making me want another one!

- Chick-Fil-A Sandwich, no pickles, add cheese
- waffle fries, value size
- Sweet tea to drink (I don’t think there’s another option here…unless you’re a communist!)
- Side of “Spicy Dressing” to dip the fries in

I’ve heard that there are some parts of our great nation that don’t have Chick-Fil-A.  This disturbs me.  I want to know what our president-elect is going to do about this great travesty.  If he doesn’t address it, then my platform in 2012 will be “A Chick-Fil-A in every county”.  It’s the only American thing to do.

So if you had to eat one meal from a fast food place every day for a week, what would it be?

For a while, I’ve referred to our girls as Butterfly and Ladybug on this blog.  (The hyperlink explains why.)  Recently, however, I have thought about changing Ladybug’s nickname.  “Ladybug” makes me think of small, docile critters that crawl along leaving no trace of where they’ve been.  This does not describe our youngest.

The term “monkey” comes to mind.  This young ‘un is everywhere and she LOVES to climb on or swing from things that could spell imminent peril for her.  Butterfly was always timid when it came to trying new things.  Ladybug/Monkey is usually off inventing new things to try before we can catch her.  We’ve become accustomed to sprinting across the yard or house in order to stop her from falling from something that’s too high or pulling down a heavy item.

One example is the slide on the playset in our backyard.  It took Butterfly months before she try it and then a couple more before she would do it without us catching her.  Ladybug/Monkey saw no problem in trying to climb the ladder and had no second thoughts of the effects of gravity at the top of the slide.  She’s fine with trying to climb the small rock wall that leads up the other entrance.  (Luckily I’ve been right behind her on the times when she’s decided to quit halfway through.)

Like Father, Like Daughter

A few weeks ago, we were visiting with some friends and magically, Monkey fell into my lap giggling and laughing.  I wondered where she came from…but not for long.  She got up, ran to the coffee table, climbed up on the top and onto the back of the couch.  Then, she tumbled onto the cushions and rolled into my lap.  This “activity” went on for at least 10 minutes.

Our house has no furniture, gates, or barriers.  Only things that are to be climbed over, swung from, toppled onto, or crawled under.  She’s even figured out how to push chairs from one room to another so that she can get into or onto whatever she pleases.  I think Little Monkey could teach us all a valuable lesson about life.  Unfortunately, I can’t figure out what it is because I’ve got to go see what she’s gotten into (or on top of) now.

I haven’t heard the official announcement in the press yet, but I’m going to assume that I didn’t garner enough votes to carry the election.  Heck, I probably didn’t even garner enough votes to carry my own house.  But I’m a good sport.  I decided to call Senator Obama and congratulate him.  Since I didn’t have his number, I had to use directory assistance…they were not of assistance.  But finally, I found a number that looked right, but wouldn’t you know it, all I got was an answering machine.  Can you believe the nerve of this guy?  I run a nice, decent campaign and he won’t even take my call.  He’d better hurry up and offer me a cabinet position before I decide I don’t want it.

It’s nice to know that Georgia has become a battleground state because now my vote seems to really matter.  I knew that I wouldn’t be able to go by the polls or wait the long lines, so I got an absentee ballot.  It sat on my counter for a week.  Partly because I kept forgetting and partly because I was trying to decide a few things.  I really feel like the presidential race is based on who I want to vote against the least…and that disturbs me.

I decided to take a different approach to voting this year.  What if the election was a dead tie and Georgia was the deciding factor.  What if Georgia’s votes were so close that it came down to my vote.  If I held the election in my hands, what would I do?  My vote was cast with the idea that I would want to be able to go to sleep at night with a clear conscious.  Here’s the final verdict.

A Vote for America

I’m sorry the image is so fuzzy, but I think you get the idea.  Although, I do want you to know that I did put a lot of thought into this.  I almost wrote-in Steven Colbert instead.

Friday - 11:30 - lunch
Friday - 12:00 -entertain coworkers with whitty skit
Friday - 1:00 - leave work
Friday - 1:30 - arrive at church, set-up for fall festival
Friday - 3:30 - arrive at home, work on yard for Saturday
Friday - 5:15 - drag the kids around for candy
Friday - 6:40 - attend fall festival
Friday - 8:00 - clean-up from fall festival
Friday - 9:30 - take supplies home

Saturday - 6:23 - wake up too early because of excited kid
Saturday - 8:00 - start preparing inside for party
Saturday - 9:00 - start preparing outside for party
Saturday - 10:00 - Butterfly’s birthday party (which will be held in conjunction with her best friends’)
Saturday - 12:00 - cook lunch for family
Saturday - 1:00 - clean-up from party
Saturday - 3:30 - take a couple of moments to rest and watch a little football

Sunday - 6:22 - wake up too early because of other kid
Sunday - 9:30 arrive at church
Sunday - 10:30 - my Sunday with the little kids
Sunday - 1:45 - do some work from work
Sunday - 7:00 - meeting at church
Sunday - 8:45 - sit down and get ready for another week.

Don’t you feel sorry for me?  Cash is the best way to show you care.

Anyone with kids soon comes to a realization that saying “no” becomes tedious and cumbersome.  In order to prevent being completely negative, parents must vary their delivery each time.  Here are some of those creative phrases and nuggets of wisdom that we have passed on to our two girls in the last four years:

• Those are lovely panties, but let’s not show the neighbors.
• Please don’t squeeze daddy’s eye.
• You’re right, she is a very large woman, but lets talk a little bit quieter.
• Oh my, that’s a wonderful story about the “mommy poo-poo and the baby poo-poo”, but it’s probably time to wipe ourselves and get down from the potty.
• Yes, I’m sure that cake and ice cream would make a good breakfast, but let’s start with a waffle instead.
• Thank you, baby, but I don’t need any help picking my nose.

The list could go on and on, but isn’t it amazing the things we have to teach these little creatures?  I just hope that I remember all of the important things.  I don’t want my kid sitting for a job interview one day trying to pick the interviewer’s nose.

Can I ask a hypothetical question?  Sure I can, it’s my blog.  Here’s a scenario for you and I’d like to hear your response and the basis for it.

Let’s pretend that there are two people running for an office.  And let’s say, for the sake of this exercise, that you are a voter.  After gathering all of the information available, you have compiled the following assessment:

Candidate #1: You agree with his/her stance on the foreign policy, economics, and other political issues.  However, you find this candidate’s personal life to be morally reprehensible.  Cheating on a spouse, unethical behavior while in office, etc.
Candidate #2: This person has been the moral pillar within his/her community.  When tested, this person has always done what is right (morally speaking).  However, you disagree with the candidate’s political stance on taxes, government programs, and almost every other major political issue.

In this purely hypothetical situation, when you stand in the voting booth, who do you vote for?  Is your vote based on the person or the policies?  (I know that most people would answer “both”, but this is my hypothetical situation and you can’t have both.)

I’ve known for a while that I have a touch of OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder - or maybe its OCPD…I don’t know).  In moderate cases, OCD is marked by anxiety or distressing.  The sufferer “overcomes” that anxiety by doing things meticulously, in a pattern, or completely focused until that task has been sufficiently dealt with.  In severe cases, normal tasks require a specific pattern that is to be repeated until perfectly performed.  Often, the repetition inhibits normal daily activities.

In my case, I have just a touch.  Some of these characteristics lend themselves well to my career choice.  In my role as an engineer and a program manager, the routine, monotony, and meticulousness have been a great help.  I keep full visibility of my projects.  I constantly track funding.  I have checklists for everything.  I can not stand to move on from one project to another until things have been completed.  Each day, I strive to check more and more things off my list…I can’t stand to have something undone.

In my personal life, this seems to be slightly more problematic that helpful.  I’ve always joked about not reading much, but it is a true statement.  When I say that I don’t have time to read, for me, it’s a valid argument.  If I start a book, the OCD kicks in and I feel compelled to finish it.  My wife can attest to the fact that no matter what it is I’m reading, I’ll stay up late into the night trying to get through it.  Even if it’s a horrible book, I still try to plow through it for the sake of having it finished.  I’m reluctant to pick up a book because I know that I’ll have trouble putting it down.  Reading out of obligation, though self-imposed, is not much fun.  Calvin and Hobbes really is my favorite thing to read.  It makes a point, has humor, and I’m done in about 45 seconds.

Video games are the same way.  I’ll turn one on to unwind for about a half hour and 3 hours later I’ll finally be able to talk myself into the fact that I’ve hit a good stopping point.

I know that these traits sometimes annoy my wife.  (Especially the staying up late part.)  It is a mental battle to sometimes suppress the urge to keep going until something is completely finished.  An attribute that I think is a positive trait, can be detrimental if I don’t watch myself.

So what’s the point of this post?  I don’t know.  I usually try to blog every day, but I’ve been a bit slack lately.  So, I think I’m writing because I feel compelled to do so.  I think my OCD made me write about my OCD.  Is this the twilight zone?

The good news is that I’m on a self-help plan.  Instead of neatly putting away my laundry, I throw it around our bedroom.  No need to keep the tools in order just because I feel compelled to do so.  Nope, I’ll just leave them laying around the house in random places.  It’s tough to do, but with a little help and understanding from my wife, I just might shake this thing.