Shallow Thinker

This weekend, the family and I plan to go and visit my parents.  Scheduled in there is a little time for Dad and I to hit the links.  Temperatures are supposed to be around the 90’s, so we’ll probably get started in the morning.  Golfing can take a lot out of you, so we’ll plan to have a big breakfast beforehand or stop for lunch in the middle…maybe both.  I’m not very good at golf, but then again, my Dad isn’t breaking any course records either.  So, it would seem like everything is set to play.

The only potential problem that I can see is that I donated my golf clubs to goodwill a couple of years ago.  Now, some may see this as a detriment to the game.  Based on how bad I am, however, I think that it might actually improve my game.

I’ve also devised a new scoring system that I’m hoping will soon be adopted by the USGA.  I start the round by counting the number of golfballs that I have.  If I encounter any water, then I automatically assume that I lose a ball there.  If there are any large bushes within 50 feet of a fairway, that’s another lost ball.  If the course goes close to the driving range, I assume that I will “find” 7 balls.  Same goes for playing behind some really old guys…you can actually earn a couple of clubs that way too!  At the end of the round, I see how I did.  The goal is to have as high a number as possible.

So there’s the game.  My competition will be rough because my dad has this thing that scoops the ball out of the water, so he’ll probably net a few more than me.  I’m working on another scoring system that involves eating a sausage biscuit before each swing, but we’d have to buy in bulk from the vendors….I’m still working on getting a discount for more than 500.

Thursday marks the start of Round 3, so here’s the recap on how my picks did. I gotta be honest, this is about the best I’ve ever done this deep into the tournament. I have 12 of the Sweet 16 remaining, 6 of the Elite Eight, and all of my Final Four. Then again, that could all change starting around lunch time Thursday.

This is probably the best that I’ve done in a long time. I got 75% of the first round games correct (picking the highest seed would have yielded the same results), 14 of my top 16 are still standing and all of my elite 8.

Now you can compare my bracket with Lance’s. It looks like he and I have 11 similar picks for the “sweet 16″, 5 for the “elite eight”, 3 for the “final four”, the same top 2 and the same overall winner. One year I had 3 of my top 4 out by the end of the first round, so I’m hoping this year is better.

At the end of each round, I’ll post nothing about the tournament in hopes that you’ll forget some of these predictions:

Today marks the beginning of one of the most awesome sporting events in the year….March Madness.  College basketball is good by itself.  But when you have about 75 games going on simultaneously, it’s awesome.  Never before have so many people around the nation cared about small schools like Belmont or St. Mary’s, but they do today because their office bracket depends on it.  Me?  I gave up participating in brackets a few years ago.  Now I organize them.  It’s a lot easier to embezzle the money that way.

But, if you need anything from me after lunch today or Friday…or Saturday or Sunday, or next Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday….then you might want to send an e-mail.  I’m gonna be a bit preoccupied…

And for the record, my bracket looks exactly like how the tournament is going to play out.  Honest, I’ve picked all the winners and the upsets.  Don’t believe me?  I’ll post a copy when the tournament is over.

Yesterday I got the wonderful opportunity to hoop it up with some friends. I was out of practice, but the good news is that so were the rest of the guys. I was a mad basketball machine. Lance couldn’t handle me in the lane, Jonathan was scared of my dunking skills (which I did not have the opportunity to show off), Marty couldn’t handle me draining 3’s, Rob cried a few times because of my defensive prowess, and Chuck had to leave early because I shut him down. I was intense.

I’m trying to remember if my team ever lost a game….I must be really good. So out of all the short, white guys that played basketball in Bolingbroke, Georgia yesterday, I was definitely in the top 6. I’m waiting on the call from the NBA. They’d better hurry, because I might go back to college to play football for my Alma Mater…if they ever get a team.

I was so on fire that after I got home, I could still feel the heat. Then my wife informed me that it was actually the sunburn. Apparently, when it’s cool and breezy outside, you can still get sunburn. Geez, I wish they’d tell you this stuff beforehand.

If you don’t know me very well, then you might not know how much I love football. Growing-up in a small town with a small school allowed me the opportunity to experience the pains of the gridiron…and I became addicted. The first cool evening in fall always sends my mind back to stepping out onto the freshly-cut field. If given the chance, I’d gladly strap up again.

But nature did not comply with my wishes…I was not given the body to compete at a higher level. Heck, I didn’t really compete where I was, but they let me play nonetheless. As much as I loved it, I knew when I walked off the field in Banks County on a cold Friday night in 1996 that I probably never would get a chance to play again.

But there was one sport in which I could compete. This is what got me hooked on the concept of running for no reason at all. And since I can’t play football, I’ll continue to run…until arthritis takes that from me.

And for reference, this picture was taken 30 pounds ago.

By my senior year I’d managed to fill-out a bit more (I’m still #11). Ant truth be told, I wasn’t as small as I look in this picture. The guy standing behind me was actually the biggest guy on the team….honest. Seriously, stop laughing, I wasn’t the puniest guy on the team anymore. It’s the camera angle…

Because we were a relatively small school, I got to see a good amount of playing time. The fact that the team relied on me to fill a starting spot probably speaks volumes as to why we only won one game that year.

One cool thing of note is that #65 and the cheerleader in the middle are married. Well, actually, several people in the picture are married, but they are married to each other. Just think, if we all married our high school sweethearts….I’d still be single. I think girls were intimidated by how much I bulked-up. Look at me…I’m a monster.

So this weekend is “The Big Game” (because you can’t say Super Bowl or else you might get sued. Oh, wait…I just said it. Ah nuts, I’m getting sued, aren’t I?)….sorry, I digress…At any rate, everyone is making their pick as to who will win. I know who I think will win, but I’m not sure who I want to win. It’s tough for me…let me walk you through it.

I’d like to see Eli Manning break out of his brother’s shadow and win a championship. On the flip side, I’m afraid that it would completely flood the market with more endorsements from the Manning brothers even though it would be tough to saturate the market any further. I’d like to see the Patriots make history in going 19-0, but they’ve got that whole spygate thing going. (To be perfectly honest, I think that the NFL needs to work out the steroids/HGH issue before videotaping is considered a “major problem”…but I’m digressing again.) I’d like to see the Giants win without Tiki Barber, who was a major distraction last year, and without Jeremy Shockey, who will always be a major distraction, but I never have cared much for their receivers. (Burress always let me down in fantasy football.) I’d like to see the Patriots do well with several teams’ “left-overs”, but I’m not at all happy that Jerry Rice’s single season TD record was broken by Randy Moss…and I don’t like the press conference that Randy Moss gave afterward.

So what do I do? I think I should find out more about the other players on each team before I make a decision. Let’s see what I can find.

Oh, here’s an article that will help me make my decision. Don’t worry, it’s nothing weird….well, actually it is.  But you know you’ll click on it anyway.  Just like sheep to the….well, I don’t want to spoil the article for you.

(Article is compliments of ProfootballTalk.com - now you know why I love the site so much.)