While I am a slow learner, I do understand that pain and heartaches are nothing new.  Sometimes we just notice it more than other times.  But all around, people are constantly looking to find the calm in the midst of their storms.  The most typical response that I have seen is that we just grow calloused to the sadness around us and we trudge on with our lives.

Mr. Jones lost his wife. She was always so sweet to me.  I have a meeting in an hour.

The Robinsons are getting a divorce.  I hate it for their kids.  I wonder what we’ll do for supper tonight.

Jennifer seems really upset about something.  I hope someone talks with her.  Ah, I’m already running behind.

Cold and callous?  Sure, but it’s the way we run.  After all, we don’t have the time to sit and listen to every little detail of all these peoples’ lives.  And heck, even if we did, wouldn’t it be depressing to have to struggle through these things with every single person that was having a bad day?

The only true response that I have seen work is love.  Compassion.  It’s the kind of compassion that has you just sit in silence while someone cries on your shoulder.  The love that sends you out in the wee hours of the morning after someone has made a mistake.  Again.  It’s the deep friendship where two people embrace during an emotional storm and they both know that they have a companion through the trials.

As much as the politicians try, government can’t comfort all who are weary.  As much as the congregations gather, the church isn’t comforting those who are heavy-hearted.  There are many who still struggle and long to find some rest.

I don’t even pretend to think that there is anything that I could do to solve the global needs for comfort, compassion, peace, or love.  This void existed before I arrived and will continue long after I am gone.  However, I am reminded of a quote from a guy that loved the teachings of Jesus, but didn’t care much for the actions of his modern-day followers.  “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  The solution that I long to see in my world can only come from one place.  Me.

But how?

—-Two weeks ago—-
I got a call this weekend that my grandfather has been diagnosed with lung cancer.  Apparently, the prostate cancer has spread and the doctors gave him a time frame of 3-6 months.  Of course, you never know where they get those numbers from, but when they start doing calculations, it’s not a good sign.  My dad and his brothers are working through trying to get both of my grandparents into an assisted living facility.  A difficult transition, to say the least.

On Sunday, Butterfly was pretty sick and we ended up having to get blood tests done on Monday.  Though she is fine-and-dandy now, the doctors think that a colonoscopy will be best to rule out major complications based on some recurring problems that we’ve noticed.  It’s a “minor” procedure for the medical community, but it’s a huge weight on the shoulders of this over-protective father and her always caring mother.

In the past month, two couple friends have experienced the loss of their unborn children through miscarriages.  Another couple that we know experienced the delivery of a still born child on Christmas morning. A friend from high school is waiting anxiously for word regarding two children that she is trying to adopt from a foreign country.

Sickness. Death. Pain. Worry. Grief. Heartache. Tears. My mind is unable to comprehend the source, cause, or reason for such suffering.  What I can understand is the fact that there are a lot of people carrying around burdens and worries that intrude into their every action. Sometimes, I wonder how many people around me are using all the energy they have just to put a smile on and get through the day while their inside cries out for rest and peace.

—-Today—-
I have been amazed at the response that we have received from friends and family regarding Butterfly’s procedure. It is truly comforting to know that our daughter is loved so deeply by so many people. Her procedure was yesterday and she has recovered well enough to fight with her sister.

I am still troubled a bit, though. A mom was in the hospital with her son having a scope done, but she was by herself. After some complications with the IV, the mom needed a minute to compose herself. After three hours in the car to get there and waiting through the procedure, she was turning around to drive another three hours back home. Carrying this burden alone. I saw a few other single parents at the hospital. While these aren’t necessarily broken homes, it was difficult to see on parent struggle alone during this time while I knew that I was supported by so many.

There is no moral to this post or any ending tagline that I can conceive to make things better. This is just something that I’ve noticed recently. People are hurting. Families are broken. Burdens are heavy.

Is there a practical way to offer relief? I shall contemplate some more.

Probably both.

I haven’t posted a health update in a while (all previous ones located here), so you are probably wondering if I’ve become a muscle-bound hero, a ball of dough, or a spaghetti noodle of a man.  Sadly, none of these have come to fruition.  I have managed to pad my stats a bit, so here’s the lowdown.

One year ago:
Weight -168
Body Fat % - 17%
# of Pull ups during one workout  - 8
Typical Run Distance - 3 miles
Calories per day - What? Who in the heck keeps up with that?

Today:
Weight -194
Body Fat % - 22%
# of Pull ups during one workout  - 83
Typical Run Distance - 4 miles
Calories per day - More!

I am still doing the P90X workouts and have probably seen more increase in weight and reps this time around.  I’ve also started doing more than just three of the workouts, so maybe that helps, too.

Back in June of last year, I took a picture so that I can have something to compare against.  Maybe in June of this year I’ll have enough courage to post them, but I’d have to warn you that there is a lot of pale chest area showing.  I think the FCC might shut this place down.

At any rate, there are my results for your interpretation.  I think that the numbers speak for themselves.  Of course, no one knows what they’re saying, but they still feel inclined to talk.

We’ve been having some trouble with our little Ladybug during the nights.  Her cough is finally starting to dissipate, but she is now in the habit of waking up during the middle of the night.  For the most part, she is able to go back to sleep, but around 5:00, she thinks that she is ready to face the day.

On Sunday morning, she came running into our room and made a bee-line for Kelley’s side of the bed.  Kelley picked her up, took her back to her room, put her in the bed, said sweet, motherly things to her, and then left her room.  I used my super-human sleeping skills to ignore the whole event.

At 5:15, I woke-up to see our bedroom door being pushed open by the little munchkin.  This time, she came over to me.  My mind was already trying to figure out just the right words to say and how to get her to stay in her bed for another couple of hours.  Should I go with the “mean daddy” routine or “comforting daddy”?  Do I promise her a wonderful tomorrow for being such a big girl, or do I make empty threats that I’ll never follow-up on?  But she spoke first:

“Daddy?  Will you cuddle with me?”

My daughter is almost 3, but she is far wiser than her father who sits happily at 30.  For the next hour and a half, I slept folded in her bed with her little body snuggled up as close as she could get to me.  I exercised neither firmness or discipline. I’m quite sure the rest of our lives will allow plenty of opportunities to practice those skills.  But in the wee hours of Sunday morning, my daughter appreciated me being there in silence.

“Daddy, you need a bath.”
“What?  Why do I need a bath?”
“Because you stink.  Blech.”

It was funny, but probably very true.  When I eventually bathed and got out of the shower, she proudly let me know that her opinion of me was unshaken.

“Go take another bath.  You stink some more.”

I plugged my watch into my computer to see where I have run recently and to analyze the statistics of my runs.  As I was going through the data, I came across the map of the Dauset Trails adventure.  It took me 15 minutes to figure out what in the world was going on.  I should have known by the shape of it that it involved me following a couple of Little Misses around.  It almost looks like one of those old cartoons from Family Circus.

Three weeks have passed and I am just now getting around to updating on my resolutions past and my resolutions forward.  First, let’s take a peak at last year and see what I said.  (CLICK HERE)  Well, it looks like I only had one resolution.  And I didn’t get it.  But not to worry.  I have an explanation!

Photo from Photobucket. Found by google. Completely stolen from the internet.

While I did not weigh 172 in July, I did hit the target weight in March.  I combined better and leaner eating habits with a lot of cardio and dropped down to around 168 at my lowest point.  While I weighed less and was in better shape, I wasn’t very comfortable.  Every time the wind blew, I had to grab onto something to keep from blowing away.  So in March or April, I started to do more strength training.  I started a modified version of P90X where I did my own cardio and disregarded his insane nutritional guide.  I’m not going to work-out AND eat healthy.  That’s just silly!

So, the results?  I’m up to 192 right now.  A 24 pound swing!  From what I can tell, I’m putting on about the same percentage of fat and muscle as I had before the climb.  So while I am getting heavier, I’m putting on some muscle weight.  Also, I kicked the Mountain Dew habit early last year.  Unfortunately, I started drinking Coke at the end of this year.  But, I’ve already kicked that habit, too.  (I’m thinking about doing some heavy drugs just so I can say that I stopped doing them.)

So for a final rating on last year against my resolution, I give myself four smiley faces and a thumbs-up.  (Note: Grading scale is arbitrary and pointless.  Just like my resolutions.)

This Year

So, what are my goals for this year?  Glad you asked.  I decided to take my own advice and set one goal that is achievable and one that is nearly impossible.  You can match them to the correct category.

• Finish my masters degree.  I am currently taking classes #8 and #9 with #10 on tap for the summer.  This has me crossing the finish line in August.  hopefully.
• Become Massive.  Like the incredible hulk.  I want to have muscles on top of my muscles.  But I don’t want to work too hard for it.  Actually, I don’t want to work at all.  Maybe I need to get my hands on some good steroids. Do you know any suppliers?

So that’s the review and the projection.  Should I have included anything else?

To provide a basis for system analysis, a hierarchal decomposition of functionality has been prepared to use as a straw-man design against which each of the individual functions can be addressed across the full range of available new and emerging technologies, assessing performance risk, compatibility with operating environment, other on-board system technology applications, and availability for production.

WHAT?!

No, stop.  Don’t reread it.  It won’t help you at all.  You still won’t make any sense of it.  But I have to wade through another 36 pages of run on sentences, misapplied big words, extraneous adjectives, and vague generalities.  I thought I went into engineering to avoid having to read stuff.

Maybe this will all make sense if I read the report upside down…